Becoming a Big Girl

I've had a great time the last week and half with the Princess while the boy's been on vacation with his grandparents. One of my favorite outings with the Princess was when we went to the Botanical Gardens for some pictures with her new kitty cat fascinator (we found it at Claire's) and her Marie dress.

She's a fun one but don't let the cuteness fool you, she's a handful. We've made some big steps to getting her ready to be a big sister. Some of those big steps have come with growing pains. Potty training was attempted and abandoned-we'll try again in a couple months. Her big girl bed has been set up and she's accepted it...for the most part. Every once in a while she'll still try to insist on sleeping in the crib but buying her new Minnie Mouse bedding went a long way to convincing her that the big bed is the way to go. Lastly, time outs are now a regular thing...it probably sounds odd to throw that in with potty training and a real bed but in our house, discipline is viewed as a good thing. She's old enough to be corrected, to be held accountable and to grow as a person. It's not easy or fun for any of us...today a two minute time out for putting clothes from the hamper into the toilet turned into a 20 minute time out because until she sat on the step for two minutes without getting up or playing, her time kept resarting. But in the end, she did it and more importantly, she apologized. The icing on the cake was when I asked if she would make good choices, her answer was a loud "yes, ma'am" instead of the quiet mouthing of the words she's tried to get away with in the past. She's independent and bold and I wouldn't change that for anything but she's also going to be respectful and kind even if it takes us 20 minutes to do a two minute time out. Meanwhile, I'm hoping the blue dye we have in the toilet water comes out of the clothes she dumped.

I'm Back...again.

I'm probably the worst blogger ever when it comes to unexplained blogging sabbaticals. I haven't written since JULY! How crazy is that?! Here's the thing, stuff happened. I probably won't go into great detail on all the "stuff" but I'm back and here's a quick run down of what we've been up to...

*Most importantly, I'm still pregnant. We had a couple complications  (given my history, no real surprises there) but everything is going well now and I'm already huge which is good...mostly. 

*Joshua has a new civi job...this one takes a little explanation. His old civi job fired him. Yup. Fired. He's never been fired before and despite the fact that they always gave him glowing reviews and he's never had a complaint, they fired him...basically, they were tired of having to work around his Guard schedule and responsibilities so when he came back from his two week AT, they let him go. I wasn't surprised because they've been anti-military since day one but I was angry and if I think about it too much now, I'm still angry...but I'm also grateful. He hated that place. They were HORRIBLE. Not everyone who worked there of course but yeah, horrible is the only word for it. Just to give you an idea of the atmosphere, before he deployed they were interviewing people for an open position and he overheard one of the managers say that there was "no chance in hell we're hiring that guy-he's another Guard guy and that's the last thing we need." Then, when Joshua returned from deployment, several of his co-workers thought it was funny to surprise him with loud noises just to see if they could make him jump. Classy, right?! Anyway, I say I'm grateful because his new job is better. I mean it's not hard to be better than his old job but it's WAY better. Like God did an awesome thing better. The hours are a little odd but we're good with odd and he enjoys the work.

*We've started with our new homeschool group and curriculum-Classical Conversations if you're interested. It couldn't be going better. I'm tutoring the 4/5 yr old class which has been a blast and the boy is amazing us with how much he's learning. Actually, our little 2 yr old princess is even trying to get in on the action sometimes.

(1st day of CC-our homeschool group which meets once a week and our 1st day of homeschool at home-yup, in pjs)

(our favorite project this semester...we created a multi-level eco-system...I plan to write a post with more details to come but if you want to build one yourself, you can find the step-by-step tutorial we followed here)

*I was asked to be a pattern tester for a new "ruffle top" which I loved making but unfortunately in the process my sewing machine died :( so now I'm at a bit of a standstill when it comes to sewing.

(here's the finished project...once the pattern is available for purchase, I'll post a link to it)

*The boy is, at this very moment, on vacation with his grandparents at Disney World. I'm jealous. I'm really jealous. But I'm also really pregnant and on travel restrictions...kinda going crazy with cabin fever. I have, however, enjoyed the one-on-one time with our princess. We switched some of the kids furniture around in preparation for Baby 3.0 so now the princess is in a big girl bed and loving it-still waiting to find out the gender but Joshua's trying to convince me not to wait so we'll see if that changes.

That's been us the last couple of months. I plan on spending the next week reading all the blogs I love and have been missing to get caught up on your lives!

PS>I just got a pic from Grandma of our little man and a couple of his cousins at Disney World's Pirate's League...so wish I was with him!

A Heart-Wrenching Good Day

Two years ago tomorrow I was in a hospital in Oklahoma with my mom while my husband skyped from Afghanistan for our daughter’s delivery.

It’s been on my mind a lot this week. In part, of course, because our baby girl is turning two but also because Joshua is once again-thanks to the Army, out of town. He’s not deployed-it’s just a short (anything less than a month is considered short in my book) training separation but he’s still gone. He’s going to miss her birthday and being pregnant again (read: super hormonal), I can’t help but remember the overwhelming feelings of that day two years ago.

I say overwhelming because even now, two years later, I don’t have any other words. I don’t know if there even is a word to describe that sort of emotion. When we first found out I was pregnant, we knew he was going to deploy “soon” but with the Army soon is relative. For a short time, we believed he would still be stateside and would be able to be home for the delivery. Then, the deployment dates changed-or at least our understanding of them changed. Lastly, we were told he would have the option, if we chose, to come home for his R&R during the delivery. It was an agonizing decision. If we had him come home, most of his time would be spent with me and our baby at the hospital and relatively little with our son. Plus, we’d see him for two weeks and not again for over nine months.

We made the “logical” decision. He missed the birth and met us two months later in Florida where our son would have fun even if Daddy was engulfed with the baby. It was the best thing for our son. Daddy didn’t come home and leave again. Daddy wasn’t spending all his time with the baby.

But the logical decision didn’t mean so much when I was alone in the hospital with a newborn. It was  hallow for the next two months as I thought about the worst case scenario…desperately hoping, even praying that if something was going to happen, let it be after R&R-let it be after they met. Morbid, maybe but it was my prayer.

Her birth was the most emotional day of my life. More than when Joshua returned. More than the day I got married. More than when our son was born and I became a mom.

It was a heart-wrenching, good day.

Spitting Image

I've been arrogant at times when it comes to parenting...breezing through with an easy-to-parent son and years and years of nanny experience...infants, teenagers, triplets-heck, even a family with ten kids. I was ready to take on the challenge of parenting head on and do it with ease until one little girl came into our lives and uprooted everything.

It's humbling to have a child who reminds you of all your most negative qualities. I have that and so much more in our little princess.  She's our "strong-willed" child and I celebrate it...most of the time...because I know it means she'll grow up to be a brave woman with conviction and determination.

But then, there are days like today when I wake up and my first thought is "oh no, what is she going to do today?!" It's exhausting. Not just having a strong-willed, loud, sneaky, demanding child...just about all nearly-two-year-olds are that way. It's the way she's strong-willed, loud, sneaky and demanding that's exhausting because it's a reminder of all the areas of my own character that are less than stellar.

It's not that she's stubborn, I'm stubborn. It's not that she's loud and abrasive, I'm loud and abrasive. It's not that she's manipulative, it's that I'm manipulative. I feel like a hypocrite trying desperately to teach her not to be these things when I know my heart betrays me. I'm all these things and I've lived long enough to know that they're not good things. They make life more difficult. They make relationships more difficult. 

I'm starting to realize that all I can do is parent the best I know how and let God do the rest. Which, if you've been paying attention, you know isn't easy for me because like my daughter, I want to control everything. But God wanted more. He gave me a child who is bringing me closer to Him. He's using her to show me that He wants better not just for her but from me and I'm listening.

Quick Update

Things have been a bit crazy lately but I wanted to stop by and give you a quick update...

We...
*went to the farm, took some family pics (which we hadn't done really since last March!)

*taught a couple good friends to shoot (always fun!)

*finally took the last of the holiday decorations down...yeah, we were sort of those people...the outside stuff was all down on New Year's but the inside stuff sort of just stayed

Joshua...

*has been pulled in 12 different directions all at once but seems to be handling it pretty well and will hopefully be home more after next week

Me...
*finally has a picture of JUST me that I like (no kids, no Joshua, JUST me...wow...it's been YEARS)

The boy...
*is on a photo boycott...he refuses to smile for real anymore

*loves his new bike but not as much as his sister does...(this is her pouting because she didn't get to ride it)

The girl...

*went in for her 18 month well baby check up and is up to the 12th percentile in both height and weight (woohoo she's proportional)...unfortunately she's still not yet 20lbs so we'll be rocking the rear-facing car seat for a while longer

Bubba and the foster puppy...

*Bubba has, for the most part, enjoyed having another dog to wrestle with but I think he's also looking forward to the puppy finding a forever home so he can just lay around

*we thought we had found the foster puppy a home but it fell through so the search continues...who wouldn't want this sweet girl?!

Oh my goodness, I just looked at the clock! I have to get ready, Joshua and I are going to the theater tonight (eeek!). We have tickets for Jekyll and Hyde and I've somehow convinced him to go big and where his dress blues. Meanwhile, I bought a pair of black 6" heel because I'm crazy awesome like that!-my husband is a foot taller than me, I have to do something!