La-la-land & Olympics

Let me first say that I'm medicated so if there's more grammatical errors than usual, my apologies.

Why am I medicated? 

Because I'm a loser and jacked up my neck a few days ago. I tried to just suck it up and wait for it to get better. I'm kind of a man like that. I hate taking medicine and I hate going to the doctor...going 3-5 times a week at the end of each of my pregnancies burned me out on waiting rooms, not to mention all the poking and prodding. But, the pain was too much so I went in this morning and after an initial exam and a couple x-rays, I was told I have too much stress. Really? You don't think. A mother of two with a husband just back from deployment? No. Never. Apparently, my neck muscles have been spasm-ing and have pushed my spine to the point where it's supposed to curve one direction and it's actually curving the other way. Yeah. Great. The doctor told me that if I had taken a muscle relaxer and limited my physical activity when it first started hurting, it probably wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did but I didn't because I'm a mom...and I'm nursing and I hate the idea of taking anything so now instead of ibuprofen, I've got two prescriptions...one for daytime and one at night. The daytime one isn't supposed to make you loopy but I am seriously in loopy-land. I was going to take the kids to the library this afternoon but operating a motor vehicle seems like a bad idea right now...so I'm blogging because that's not dangerous while medicated. Ha. I'm curious to see what the nighttime one will do to me. 

Anyway, all loopiness and neck aches aside, we've had fun gearing up for the Olympics...by we I mean me and the boy (he's learning about all sorts of new-to-him sports) and Joshua who has had a great time making fun of me. It's kind of what he does best. Last night I started a spreadsheet timeline listing all the events I don't want to miss. Yes. I recognize that I'm not normal. I'm good with it. I'm just excited because for the first time ever all the events are being live-broadcast via the internet so I can watch the archery, the synchronized diving and all the other events that my darling husband couldn't care less about. He mocks my Olympic enthusiasm but him mocking me is nothing new...one of his favorite things to do is purposely mix up Star Trek and Star Wars references just to get under my nerd skin. 

Ok. Loopy pills are taking over. Good thing the kids are napping. I think I'll join them.

My Secret

My friends seem to know me as a fairly blunt (but I would hope tactful) type A, outgoing, slightly scatter-brained, confidant woman but the truth is I'm terribly insecure and completely afraid of confrontation. So, there it is, my secret. I don't even like telling the waitress when my food is bad, I make Joshua do it for me. I'm sure I'm not the only one but this little adventure known as the military has forced me to do things that are so far outside of my comfort zone, they scare me. I hate it. I hate that Joshua's not here. I hate that when stuff comes up, I'm the only one who can deal with it because I'm the only adult home. I found myself hiding in the bathroom crying this morning because I didn't want the boy to see me. I love my traditional marriage. I love that my husband takes care of me. I miss it.

Ok. Pitty party over. I have to go deal with two car dealerships and O'rileys now. Ugh.

Lists

To say that I have a "Type A" personality would be a massive understatement. My mom has told me (and I vaguely recall) that when I was a child and had to stay home from school either because of illness or just a school holiday, I would write out my schedule which in and of itself isn't that surprising but the thing is, I did so before I knew how to write. I would take my chicken scratches to my mom and explain that I would be waking up at 7am, quickly followed by getting dressed...I had the whole day mapped out. Not much has changed in the last 20-some odd years except now my lists are color-coded and on much cuter stationary. I have 2 dry erase boards in my kitchen, a magnetic notepad on the fridge, and there's always a notepad in my purse/diaper bag. There are two more pads next to the computer, one on the cocktail table in our living room and finally one on the nightstand on my side of the bed. I never thought my love affair with lists could get much worse and then Joshua left for BCT. Now, I keep an on-going list of what I really want to talk to him about for whenever the next phone call may happen-I started that after the first 10 second call. I also keep a list of what I want to write him about...the fun, cute things the boy does, the annoying things the dogs do and the things I'm looking forward to doing together when he's home again. Don't get me wrong, I write him every day but I've discovered that if I don't write it down in the moment, no matter how quickly I get to his letter, I end up forgetting something. I recognize that my lists are all just a not-so-subconscious way of controlling the situation even when the situation isn't really in my control. So many times over the last month and a half, I've felt out of control...not a feeling that sits well with me but I'm learning, slowly, to adjust. I'm learning to let go and try not to stress.