I'm Back...again.

I'm probably the worst blogger ever when it comes to unexplained blogging sabbaticals. I haven't written since JULY! How crazy is that?! Here's the thing, stuff happened. I probably won't go into great detail on all the "stuff" but I'm back and here's a quick run down of what we've been up to...

*Most importantly, I'm still pregnant. We had a couple complications  (given my history, no real surprises there) but everything is going well now and I'm already huge which is good...mostly. 

*Joshua has a new civi job...this one takes a little explanation. His old civi job fired him. Yup. Fired. He's never been fired before and despite the fact that they always gave him glowing reviews and he's never had a complaint, they fired him...basically, they were tired of having to work around his Guard schedule and responsibilities so when he came back from his two week AT, they let him go. I wasn't surprised because they've been anti-military since day one but I was angry and if I think about it too much now, I'm still angry...but I'm also grateful. He hated that place. They were HORRIBLE. Not everyone who worked there of course but yeah, horrible is the only word for it. Just to give you an idea of the atmosphere, before he deployed they were interviewing people for an open position and he overheard one of the managers say that there was "no chance in hell we're hiring that guy-he's another Guard guy and that's the last thing we need." Then, when Joshua returned from deployment, several of his co-workers thought it was funny to surprise him with loud noises just to see if they could make him jump. Classy, right?! Anyway, I say I'm grateful because his new job is better. I mean it's not hard to be better than his old job but it's WAY better. Like God did an awesome thing better. The hours are a little odd but we're good with odd and he enjoys the work.

*We've started with our new homeschool group and curriculum-Classical Conversations if you're interested. It couldn't be going better. I'm tutoring the 4/5 yr old class which has been a blast and the boy is amazing us with how much he's learning. Actually, our little 2 yr old princess is even trying to get in on the action sometimes.

(1st day of CC-our homeschool group which meets once a week and our 1st day of homeschool at home-yup, in pjs)

(our favorite project this semester...we created a multi-level eco-system...I plan to write a post with more details to come but if you want to build one yourself, you can find the step-by-step tutorial we followed here)

*I was asked to be a pattern tester for a new "ruffle top" which I loved making but unfortunately in the process my sewing machine died :( so now I'm at a bit of a standstill when it comes to sewing.

(here's the finished project...once the pattern is available for purchase, I'll post a link to it)

*The boy is, at this very moment, on vacation with his grandparents at Disney World. I'm jealous. I'm really jealous. But I'm also really pregnant and on travel restrictions...kinda going crazy with cabin fever. I have, however, enjoyed the one-on-one time with our princess. We switched some of the kids furniture around in preparation for Baby 3.0 so now the princess is in a big girl bed and loving it-still waiting to find out the gender but Joshua's trying to convince me not to wait so we'll see if that changes.

That's been us the last couple of months. I plan on spending the next week reading all the blogs I love and have been missing to get caught up on your lives!

PS>I just got a pic from Grandma of our little man and a couple of his cousins at Disney World's Pirate's League...so wish I was with him!

A Heart-Wrenching Good Day

Two years ago tomorrow I was in a hospital in Oklahoma with my mom while my husband skyped from Afghanistan for our daughter’s delivery.

It’s been on my mind a lot this week. In part, of course, because our baby girl is turning two but also because Joshua is once again-thanks to the Army, out of town. He’s not deployed-it’s just a short (anything less than a month is considered short in my book) training separation but he’s still gone. He’s going to miss her birthday and being pregnant again (read: super hormonal), I can’t help but remember the overwhelming feelings of that day two years ago.

I say overwhelming because even now, two years later, I don’t have any other words. I don’t know if there even is a word to describe that sort of emotion. When we first found out I was pregnant, we knew he was going to deploy “soon” but with the Army soon is relative. For a short time, we believed he would still be stateside and would be able to be home for the delivery. Then, the deployment dates changed-or at least our understanding of them changed. Lastly, we were told he would have the option, if we chose, to come home for his R&R during the delivery. It was an agonizing decision. If we had him come home, most of his time would be spent with me and our baby at the hospital and relatively little with our son. Plus, we’d see him for two weeks and not again for over nine months.

We made the “logical” decision. He missed the birth and met us two months later in Florida where our son would have fun even if Daddy was engulfed with the baby. It was the best thing for our son. Daddy didn’t come home and leave again. Daddy wasn’t spending all his time with the baby.

But the logical decision didn’t mean so much when I was alone in the hospital with a newborn. It was  hallow for the next two months as I thought about the worst case scenario…desperately hoping, even praying that if something was going to happen, let it be after R&R-let it be after they met. Morbid, maybe but it was my prayer.

Her birth was the most emotional day of my life. More than when Joshua returned. More than the day I got married. More than when our son was born and I became a mom.

It was a heart-wrenching, good day.

Knee Update

Ok. So a few people have asked about how Joshua's doing with his knee. He's been home from deployment for over a year and the VA has just this month given him an official diagnosis. He tore his medial collateral ligament/MCL (no surprise there) and has early signs of osteo-arthritis in his knee (ugh, something to look forward to). 

We've decided to go with a more conservative route of treatment because right now he has full range of movement-he just has a ton of pain with that movement. Conversely, if we have them go in and replace the MCL (with a cadaver piece-didn't know that was what they used until we saw the surgeon), his range of movement could be drastically effected based on how tight or loose the new MCL is and there's really no way of telling until after the surgery.

They've outfitted him with what I affectionately call his "Terminator" knee brace...it's a huge metal hinged thing that goes from mid-calf to mid-thigh and looks rather daunting. He says it's helping. Anything would be better the the itty-bitty, useless neoprene thing they gave him "over there" but hey, they also threw a few ibuprofen at him so I guess he was fine. He's also finally been set up with weekly physical therapy appointments and scheduled steroid shots. The surgeon has recommended going in and "scraping everything out" (doesn't that sound fun?!). Not sure when that will be scheduled but it's the best they can do short of replacing the MCL. 

So our journey continues.

Goodbye Deployment

Today is so much more than just St Patrick's Day for us. Today marks the one year anniversary that Joshua has been home from deployment. To say I've been anticipating this date would be an understatement. I've been desperate for it...particularly for our children. Reintegration has been hard, at times as hard as the deployment was. Learning how to be a family of four, discovering our marriage again while also simultaneously helping Joshua adjust to how much our son had grown was difficult-Joshua left for the deployment when the boy was two and a half and was gone for 13 months but to be honest, Joshua really left for training when the boy was a year and a half and was gone 19 out of the next 24 months. It took a toll. I'm in awe of how well our son has done but there are remnants of the pain he felt. 

Last week when we took both the kids to the optometrist (neither needed glasses-more than a small miracle itself!), we were about half way through the 45 minutes route when the boy's eyes got huge and filled with tears. I was almost panicked, watching him struggle to get control of himself to be able to tell us what hurt/what was wrong and then he said it...

"Does this mean Daddy is going far, far away again?" 

His four year old mind had linked the one other time he remembered being at the optometrist with his Daddy being gone as it was shortly before Joshua had returned. 

It's not the first time he had asked it...when we were on our way to Disney last September, he had remembered the year before's R&R trip and had a small breakdown thinking we were all going to Florida but that his Daddy wouldn't be coming back with us.

I've been so ready for this day to come. To be able to say a year ago today my husband was home (or at least not being shot at) is a blessing that I treasure. The deployment taught me many lessons but one of the biggest was patience and what long-suffering love really is. It took long-suffering love to get through the deployment but it's also taken a long-suffering love to get through reintegration. We've made it to a year. We're still married...and I'm sad to say that isn't the case for everyone we've walked this journey with. Our children are healthy and happy and we've found our new normal. With Joshua still in the military, I don't take his being home for granted. I recognize and accept we may go through this same cycle again but today, we celebrate the time we've had together.

Maybe it's providential that this anniversary falls on St Patrick's Day. Many mistakenly assume he brought Christianity to Ireland (or miraculously rid it of snakes-although that would certainly be something to celebrate) but what he really did, according to Jon Sweeny who wrote a book about St Patrick, was organize, inspire and expand Christianity within Ireland but he didn't even do that right away. He spent six years as a slave-which is where he discovered his faith and then decades studying before he returned to Ireland. 

Regardless of what the future may hold...what deployments, training separations or anything else we may face, St Patrick's Day will always stand as a personal reminder to "rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces perseverance, and perseverance produces character, and character produces hope."

Time Flies

Hello blogging world...you may (or may not) have noticed my total desertion of this page for the last month (and a half). To be honest, nothing major really happened to drive me away. I just needed a break. I needed to focus on my family and myself. 

Here's a (hopefully) quick breakdown to catch you up...

We cracked down on homeschooling and have officially decided to go with Classical Conversations next year and are super excited about it. 

We had a snow-pocalypse that was a ton of fun...

I got a new .22 rifle for Valentine's Day and we took some good friends shooting... (the boy and one of his best friends had a blast)

I escaped. I took a long weekend and flew down to El Paso (thereby leaving the children alone with Joshua for the first time ever!) to visit this awesome lady...

(cell phone pic...eh, sorry)

Joshua and I had a weekend away...hotel, theater tickets (Cathy Rigby's Peter Pan-I highly recommend seeing it!-that woman is in better shape at 60 than I am today!), dinner out...the basics

In related news, the boy also got to see Peter Pan as his first broadway show with his Grandma. He LOVED it!...he wasn't so much a fan of the pics I insisted we take before he left but I couldn't resist. I love my bow-tie-lovin', suspender-wearing little man!

Also, I've been on a sewing kick...big time. I made a couple new dresses for the girl...

(she was less than thrilled to do pics at that particular moment)

(I got the hat from Halo Heaven)

And finally, the biggest news (for me at least) was that I finally got my much coveted Brother PE-770 Embroidery Machine!!! I'm in love! This was the first thing I made...

So that's what we've been up to...kind of a crazy busy season for us but a good one. 

Quick Update

Things have been a bit crazy lately but I wanted to stop by and give you a quick update...

We...
*went to the farm, took some family pics (which we hadn't done really since last March!)

*taught a couple good friends to shoot (always fun!)

*finally took the last of the holiday decorations down...yeah, we were sort of those people...the outside stuff was all down on New Year's but the inside stuff sort of just stayed

Joshua...

*has been pulled in 12 different directions all at once but seems to be handling it pretty well and will hopefully be home more after next week

Me...
*finally has a picture of JUST me that I like (no kids, no Joshua, JUST me...wow...it's been YEARS)

The boy...
*is on a photo boycott...he refuses to smile for real anymore

*loves his new bike but not as much as his sister does...(this is her pouting because she didn't get to ride it)

The girl...

*went in for her 18 month well baby check up and is up to the 12th percentile in both height and weight (woohoo she's proportional)...unfortunately she's still not yet 20lbs so we'll be rocking the rear-facing car seat for a while longer

Bubba and the foster puppy...

*Bubba has, for the most part, enjoyed having another dog to wrestle with but I think he's also looking forward to the puppy finding a forever home so he can just lay around

*we thought we had found the foster puppy a home but it fell through so the search continues...who wouldn't want this sweet girl?!

Oh my goodness, I just looked at the clock! I have to get ready, Joshua and I are going to the theater tonight (eeek!). We have tickets for Jekyll and Hyde and I've somehow convinced him to go big and where his dress blues. Meanwhile, I bought a pair of black 6" heel because I'm crazy awesome like that!-my husband is a foot taller than me, I have to do something!

5 (Post) New Year's Wishes

I've been tagged. 

But it's actually pretty cool...JG from Me and My SoldierMan was tagged by Mrs Banana Pants to post 5 Christmas Wishes...that deadline passed and JG posted 5 great New Year's Wishes so now I'm posting my own (Post) New Year's Wishes. It was pretty tough for me to come up with them because I hadn't really given much (read: none, zero, zilch, nada) thought into a resolution. I'm not against resolutions in general, I'm just cynical about my own abilities to follow through and I can't stand saying I'll do something and then not doing it...sorry, therapy tangent. Anyway, here they are...

5. Be Nice. I should mention that I think I'm a pretty nice person by nature but there's a very cynical, sarcastic, sometimes hurtful side that bubbles over. It's not good. If I was totally honest, it's arrogance and it's rude. So, this is me pledging to be nice...even if you're the idiot hippie type of individual who feels it necessary to openly hate everything I love. 

This one's going to be tough to keep on Twitter.

4. Be Generous. With my time and resources. Specifically, I want to keep fostering puppy dogs one at a time...eventually (read: bigger house) we'd like to become Puppy Raisers who help raise and train assistance dogs. It's so easy to say this week isn't good for us or someone else can do it but if everyone says that, the problem of dogs being put down would only get worse. We lost our precious Murray a couple years ago and now with just our Bubba, we have the space and I can't begin to count the ways it has helped our children grow in empathy and understanding.

This one makes me glad we got rid of all the carpet in the house.

3. Be Together...as in with Joshua, just Joshua. He's home. We've given it time and the kids have adjusted really well. No one's nursing or pregnant (woohoo-my body is my own again!). Now is the time to embrace "us" time. Joshua and I haven't taken a vacation just the two of us (well, apart from a really great road trip to and from El Paso) since before our 4 1/2 year old son was born. This will be the year we escape. I'm not sure where we'll go or what we'll do but I do know we'll have a great time.

Thanks to my parents, we've already got three awesome date nights planned between now and May...for Christmas they bought Joshua and I theater tickets for three different shows...Jekyll and Hyde, Cathy Rigby's Peter Pan and Westside Story. SUPER EXCITED!

2. Be At Peace. I'm not very good with change...particularly change I have NO control over but we already know there will be a ton of changes in the year to come...like huge changes...changes that will effect our family forever. Intimidating changes. There's still a dozen things that need to happen before I feel comfortable posting any real details but I can tell you that I'm proud of my husband and I trust that God will open the doors that need to open and close the doors that need to close. In the meantime, I (gulp) choose peace. 

Ok. I'm a total control freak. This one's hard.

1. Be Aware. I'm blessed. I stay home with our children and we've chosen to home-school so I get the pleasure of spending a lot of time with my children but I've noticed it's easy to go through the steps of life while letting it pass me by. My son will be FIVE in June. My daughter will be TWO in July...it's surreal. I want to really see what they become next. If my son will continue to be overprotective of his sister. How he'll assert his individualism. It goes beyond if Batman and Capt America will still be his favorite super heroes or if he'll still insist on wearing a bow tie as often as possible. It goes to his core...the kind of man he will grow into. I see glimpses of it every day. These years are so precious. And our daughter...wow. She's just at that stage where her personality in all it's glory is really starting to show through and I can't wait to see what aspects are solidified and what traits fade to the background. We call her our little daredevil but she's deathly afraid of water. She's pensive and observant before she declares her opinion...but when she's made up her mind, watch out, there's no stopping that child.

These are the days I wish I could freeze time altogether. It goes too fast.

Daddy's Girl

With the chaos of the holidays, Joshua's birthday and the "crud" making it's way through our home, a not-so-small milestone has passed. 

Joshua has officially been home with our princess longer than he was away after she was born.

It's a big deal to all of us because missing her birth was one of the hardest parts of the deployment. No matter how prepared I was, I can still close my eyes and feel the heartache of his absence that day a year and a half ago.

When he returned, we were lucky in that she didn't show fear or anxiety around him and they bonded quickly. Of course it helped that she had a big brother to take her cues from but she and Joshua have a relationship all their own. Now, when he comes home in the evening, she throws her hands up and yells "Da" as she runs to his arms. I'm pretty sure in that moment, if she the ability to ask him for anything in the world, she'd get it.

Reintegration hasn't been a cake walk but milestones like this make it that much easier.

PS>I didn't do a full Christmas post but I have to post a couple obnoxious obligatory Mom pics from Christmas...it was a great year.