5 (Post) New Year's Wishes

I've been tagged. 

But it's actually pretty cool...JG from Me and My SoldierMan was tagged by Mrs Banana Pants to post 5 Christmas Wishes...that deadline passed and JG posted 5 great New Year's Wishes so now I'm posting my own (Post) New Year's Wishes. It was pretty tough for me to come up with them because I hadn't really given much (read: none, zero, zilch, nada) thought into a resolution. I'm not against resolutions in general, I'm just cynical about my own abilities to follow through and I can't stand saying I'll do something and then not doing it...sorry, therapy tangent. Anyway, here they are...

5. Be Nice. I should mention that I think I'm a pretty nice person by nature but there's a very cynical, sarcastic, sometimes hurtful side that bubbles over. It's not good. If I was totally honest, it's arrogance and it's rude. So, this is me pledging to be nice...even if you're the idiot hippie type of individual who feels it necessary to openly hate everything I love. 

This one's going to be tough to keep on Twitter.

4. Be Generous. With my time and resources. Specifically, I want to keep fostering puppy dogs one at a time...eventually (read: bigger house) we'd like to become Puppy Raisers who help raise and train assistance dogs. It's so easy to say this week isn't good for us or someone else can do it but if everyone says that, the problem of dogs being put down would only get worse. We lost our precious Murray a couple years ago and now with just our Bubba, we have the space and I can't begin to count the ways it has helped our children grow in empathy and understanding.

This one makes me glad we got rid of all the carpet in the house.

3. Be Together...as in with Joshua, just Joshua. He's home. We've given it time and the kids have adjusted really well. No one's nursing or pregnant (woohoo-my body is my own again!). Now is the time to embrace "us" time. Joshua and I haven't taken a vacation just the two of us (well, apart from a really great road trip to and from El Paso) since before our 4 1/2 year old son was born. This will be the year we escape. I'm not sure where we'll go or what we'll do but I do know we'll have a great time.

Thanks to my parents, we've already got three awesome date nights planned between now and May...for Christmas they bought Joshua and I theater tickets for three different shows...Jekyll and Hyde, Cathy Rigby's Peter Pan and Westside Story. SUPER EXCITED!

2. Be At Peace. I'm not very good with change...particularly change I have NO control over but we already know there will be a ton of changes in the year to come...like huge changes...changes that will effect our family forever. Intimidating changes. There's still a dozen things that need to happen before I feel comfortable posting any real details but I can tell you that I'm proud of my husband and I trust that God will open the doors that need to open and close the doors that need to close. In the meantime, I (gulp) choose peace. 

Ok. I'm a total control freak. This one's hard.

1. Be Aware. I'm blessed. I stay home with our children and we've chosen to home-school so I get the pleasure of spending a lot of time with my children but I've noticed it's easy to go through the steps of life while letting it pass me by. My son will be FIVE in June. My daughter will be TWO in July...it's surreal. I want to really see what they become next. If my son will continue to be overprotective of his sister. How he'll assert his individualism. It goes beyond if Batman and Capt America will still be his favorite super heroes or if he'll still insist on wearing a bow tie as often as possible. It goes to his core...the kind of man he will grow into. I see glimpses of it every day. These years are so precious. And our daughter...wow. She's just at that stage where her personality in all it's glory is really starting to show through and I can't wait to see what aspects are solidified and what traits fade to the background. We call her our little daredevil but she's deathly afraid of water. She's pensive and observant before she declares her opinion...but when she's made up her mind, watch out, there's no stopping that child.

These are the days I wish I could freeze time altogether. It goes too fast.

(Foster) Furry Friday

It's he the cutest?! The dog. The kid is pretty cute too but today is all about the puppy.

A couple weeks ago we agreed to take the little guy in as our foster puppy. We've had foster puppies from time to time in the past and every time we do it, we always go into it knowing that if we absolutely fall in love, we'll adopt the little guy (or girl). This time was no different. When we heard his story, we knew we had to help.

This sweet puppy was barely two months old when a woman saw her neighbor kick the puppy down a set of cement apartment stairs. She courageously ran over and confronted the man. She called the cops and long story short, they found out that he was not only abusive to this little one, his mommy and the rest of his litter inside the apartment (to the point where the mommy was starving and barely able to nurse) but ALSO had a home nearby with THIRTY more dogs. The man was taken into custody and charged with animal cruelty and other crimes related to suspected dog fighting. The police took the dogs to the local shelter but the brave neighbor who initially called the police offered to take the little guy who'd been kicked down the stairs. Unfortunately, her son's asthma prevented her from being able to keep him more than a couple days but she saved him from going to the shelter. Pit and pit mixes rarely do well in shelters. 

So, that's when we stepped in. A friend working for a Pit Rescue posted his pic on facebook and we couldn't turn our backs.

He had worms. He wasn't housebroke. And he was a "rescue"...which can mean so many things. We didn't know if we'd have to address aggression issues. We didn't know if he'd be scared. The lab/husky rescue that we adopted, Murray, was severely abused before he came to live with us. It took months before Joshua could walk into the same room or make a sudden movement in front of Murray before Murray wouldn't pee out of fear.

Thankfully, this little guy seems to have been rescued before any long lasting effects could take root. Sure, he was a bit nervous to begin with but he quickly became a bouncy bundle of puppy love-playing with both the kids and our Ridgeback without fear. He's a funny little guy. He LOVES shoes. He hasn't really chewed them (although to be honest, we've been quick to not give him the option)...he lines them up...like in a perfect straight line. It's a little OCD. 

It's sad how many people are appalled that we let our four year old and even our one year old play with a pit puppy. Even my mom sounded a bit nervous when I told her we were fostering a pit. I hope that these images, our experience with this great little guy helps break down some of the barriers of breed prejudice. 

We seriously considered keeping the little guy but the choice was between adopting him and not having the space/flexibility to foster any more puppies or keeping him until he found a forever home and continuing to be open to foster as needed. We talked to the boy about it and explained everything. He said he'd be said if the little puppy went to another home but he really wanted to help more dogs. So, today, we drop this little guy off to go to his forever home. I'm sure there will be tears but when another puppy in need comes along, we'll be able to help.

Furry Friday Link-up

I'm super excited to be linking up with my bestie/favorite blogger JG from Me and My SoldierMan for the very first Furry Friday Link-up. Click on the link below to join in all the furry fun...

I thought I'd use the Furry Friday Link-up as a good excuse to take pictures of more than just our two-legged children as they have most definitely overtaken the dogs on the family totem pole but as usual the two-legged children have completely monopolized my time this week and no new pics happened (of anyone) so I thought I'd just us this week to introduce the two best not-so-little dogs in our life...

Balak (a Rhodesian Ridgeback-best. breed. ever.) who was named Balak because Ridgebacks are rough and tough (although AWESOME with children). The name Balak has a Hebrew root meaning of "destroyer" and since Ridgebacks-named such because of the ridge of fur along their back that grows backwards are also known as "Lion-Killers" because they were originally bred in Africa to protect farms and families from lions, we thought it would be fitting. In fact, a single Ridgeback is said to be able to take down an orangutan alone. I don't doubt it because when Balak really runs, you can see all the power in his muscles. It would be intimidating if it wasn't for the fact that Balak is the single laziest, most apathetic, least dominant, excessively emotional dog I have ever met which is why we call him Bubba more often than Balak.

Translation: "I WANT TO GO TO BED. NOW."

He's not allowed on the bed...yeah, so he threw a fit and pulled all the bedding off the guest bed.

Bubba loves us but I'm pretty sure he loves comfort more. He's the 90lb dog that will refuse to get into a vehicle in the summer if the a/c isn't running. The big, bad Lion-Killer doesn't move an inch  and when you try to pick up the beast to force him in, he taps into his inner civil-disobedient protester and spreads eagle. All four paws go in all four directions and block you from pushing him in. We now just turn the a/c on and let it cool off before getting him in. He's a special dog for many reasons but mostly because he was our first born. I bought him for my husband's birthday shortly before we got married nearly seven years ago. A couple months later, we decided we needed another dog (read: Bubba loved Joshua more than me and I wanted a dog too) so we rescued Murray (a husky/yellow lab mix...we think)...

Oh Murray. How to describe Murray? Insane. That about sums it up. Long, long story short...we rescued Murray after he had been SEVERELY abused, starved and then eventually abandoned. He fought to live and we fought to teach him that he was safe. The first four months we had him, he would pee out of fear if Joshua stood up too quickly or unexpectedly walked into the same room Murray was in. He never fully got over his fear of baseball caps or hangers which we now assume were the things used to beat him the most. It took two years before a scar on his nose healed. We'll never know if the scar came from a beating or from when he literally chewed his way out of the abandoned house that his previous owners had dumped him in when they moved to Florida. He had a rough life his first few months but once we rescued him, he loved us...well, he loved me. He was MY dog. He would have done anything to protect me but he never really accepted anyone outside our little family. In fact, he frequently scared the crap out of strangers-to-him that came over. He tolerated Joshua and loved Bubba too but he adored me until our son was born. Actually, Murray's affection started to change even before then...

I should have seen it coming but I didn't until our boy was about two weeks old. I was tired so the fresh laundry was piled up on one side of the boy's crib while I laid him down for his first nap in a crib (we kept him in our room and until this particular day, he had napped in his swing, bassinet, or our arms). I left his bedroom door open because I wanted to hear him if he woke up while I started dinner and then I heard the noise I'll never forget. I now know it was the sound of Murray jumping into the crib. He had apparently and thankfully looked before he leapt and landed perfectly on the fresh load of laundry, curled up and had decided to sleep next to the boy. From that day on, if the boy was alone in his room, the door was shut but as soon as I opened it, Murray was right there. No matter how many times I scolded him not to get into the crib, he couldn't stay away from his boy. The feeling was obviously mutual as the boy's very first word wasn't Mommy or Daddy but Murray. They loved each other endlessly and when we unexpectedly had to put Murray down two years ago while Joshua was away training, something in our family broke. We still consider ourselves a two-dog family because that's just who we are but it's taken until now to even consider getting a new dog. Murray was MY dog. I'll never replace him but I'm starting to open up to the idea of having another.

Crazy Cat Lady Strikes Again

0630.

That is what time our neighbor...the one RIGHT next to us decided to start mowing her lawn. 

I know we're kind of the odd balls out and I accept that most people go to bed and wake up earlier than us but still 0630...who mows the lawn at 0630?! If the weather was like last summer and it was hitting 110 or even 120 I could understand but yesterday didn't even get to 90. 

I'll tell you who mows at 0630...Crazy Cat Lady. I don't remember what her real name is and although she only has two or three cats (along with three or four soccer balls small dogs) Joshua dubbed her the Crazy Cat Lady when we moved in three years ago (holy buckets, it's been three years, woohoo, only two to go to have the equity we want...sorry, bunny trail). 

We had a husky/lab mix...Murray...

 Murray, like most huskies had amazing skills and a high prey instinct. We quickly learned that Murray could jump a six foot fence without a running start and desperately wanted to "chase" one of the neighbor's cats. He did. He didn't catch her. He didn't eat her. He didn't even bite her. He chased her under the neighbor's house. That's it.

She called the cops. The cop laughed. We put Murray on a running line in the back yard.

That was our introduction to Crazy Cat Lady.

Back to this morning. Anyone who really knows Joshua and I knows that he has a reputation for being an ass someone who speaks his mind. He's a me-and-my-four-and-no-more kind of guy and outside our immediate family, some close friends and select extended family members, he tolerates has to work harder to be loving and kind. What some people don't know is that he appears to be the mean one while I smile and hold him back but in reality I'm way more mean. In fact, this morning I released the beast encouraged Joshua to go and speak to the Crazy Cat Lady because if I had gone outside, there are people (the police) who might have considered my thoughts and actions to be unhelpful (premeditation).

So, he went outside and thankfully the opening line of expletives communication was drowned out by the insanely loud mower. She was shocked that he asked her to stop and replied with "Is it really that early?" To which he snapped, "well, you woke the whole house up so let's ask the baby...or maybe the three year old..." and walked away. She stopped mowing got in her car and drove away but the damage was done. We have a long day already planned and now I suspect extra doses of sugar and a little more grace will be needed with the children.

Vent over. Thank you. And if you are the sort of person who mows at 0630, I hope I didn't offend you but seriously 0630 is too early. Be nice to those of us who are not morning people.

Infant Heimlich Saved Our Daughter

We had another terrifying moment with our daughter last night. I've said it before and I'll say it again...she's going make me go gray way too young.

We had a pretty busy day...a 30 day post-deployment yellow ribbon event (scheduled two and a half months after they returned because that's just how the Army works) aka death by power point, which meant that the girl was up for almost 13 hours straight because she refused to nap while in her class all day. She also didn't nurse much (she's been on a bit of a nursing strike) and barely ate while there so by the time we got home we had a very sleepy, very hungry little girl. Thankfully, much like her brother, she handles frustrating situations fairly well so we made a quick dinner and sat down. We gave her small pieces of bread (something she's had several times before) and she started out just fine but then about ten minutes into dinner she began choking.

It wasn't the gagging, coughing, gasping kind of choking babies and kids do from time to time when they eat too fast or don't chew enough. It was a heart-stopping silent choking. She just sat there with her mouth open, her arms out-stretched and her lips quickly turning dark purple. I yelled for Joshua, ripped her out of her high chair, flipped her over and started using the heel of my hand to hit between her shoulder blades. It didn't do anything. After three or four good hits, Joshua was there and grabbed her from me. He also tried hitting her back to dislodge the food but it didn't work. So he turned her over and squeezed her between her rib cage and bellybutton and the bread came flying out. She screamed from fear and probably pain but overall she was fine. We opted to end dinner since it was clear she was too tired to even chew.

Years ago, when I took an infant CPR class, I never thought I'd have to do the heimlich maneuver on our nearly 11 month old daughter but I'm glad that both Joshua and I knew the steps. If you don't know how to do the heimlich on an infant, take a couple minutes and go HERE to read how to do it properly-it's a simple step by step guide. Also, for all my fur-mommies out there, I found a site that details the steps to doing the heimlich on your dog.

We joke about how our daughter's first birthday party will have a Survivor theme because she's a bit of a daredevil and her brother loves her a bit too strongly sometimes but last night made that joke a little too real for me. 

Today.

Normally I'm not a fan of just whining blog posts but yeah, basically this is just going to be a big ol' vent about today because today kicked my butt.

Today...

I had my annual lady exam...that's always fun.

I found out I'm anemic. Again.

I tried to take a nap...failed.

The boy broke a window. I knew it was only a matter of time but really I thought he'd be a little older than three and a half. Thankfully, it was our window and so I don't have to pay for someone else's window AND bake something as an apology for my crazy child. In his defense, it wasn't malicious and I'm actually pretty impressed with his engineering abilities but that's a pretty long story in and of itself. Anyway, I bought some plastic and tape and did the best I could to "fix" it until I either have someone come and replace it or Joshua comes home and does it himself. Thankfully it was just a smaller window in an alcove in his room that faces the backyard.

The girl was running a low grade fever all day and not napping...whether from a vaccine yesterday or teething I have no idea (please no emails or comments on the merits or evils of vaccines...we've made our choices and we respect yours whatever they are).

After hours of low grade fever/no napping delirium, I decided to give the girl a little tylenol. I opened it in the kitchen, measured the correct amount and since the boy was napping upstairs, I left the bottle open and unattended to take it to the girl. On my way back to the kitchen to clean up and put the medicine away, I stopped at the bathroom which apparently gave our dog just enough time to knock the bottle over and lick up what I estimate to be about a tablespoon of children's tylenol. 

Called the vet...for the second time this week...a couple days ago he ate almost my entire box of Tagalong Girl Scout cookies...it's a miracle he's still alive today because they're my favorites and they were my last box. He'll also survive the tylenol and the vet said he didn't need to see him which is good because I'm pretty sure if I had to take the dog into the vet today after everything else, I would have had a total breakdown. 

Yeah. So, venting session over. Thanks for listening. Next post will be much less whiny I promise.

The Boy

First of all, I've been horrible about replying to comments. I'm really sorry. I really do appreciate them. It's nice to know that despite the fact that I blog primarily to stay sane when alone 96.5% of the time with the boy, that there's really someone else out there reading these things.

Anyway, yesterday was the boy's 2nd birthday. I so wanted to write a fun, sweet blog about how much I love that little guy but he was a maniac all day. He's been a maniac for about a week now. He's going through a growth spurt I'm sure because he's sleeping 12-14 hours at night and eating EVERYTHING in sight all day. To top it off, we went to a friend's house for a game night (adults...the kids roamed the house mindlessly while we played cards-happy birthday baby, lol) so we were out REALLY late and as a result, he was a bear again today. Just for the record, we do love the boy and we do believe in celebrating birthdays. We're just waiting for Joshua to come home...besides, the kid's two. He doesn't know what he's missing yet.

He did get his present yesterday (mostly because I needed him to have a new toy to occupy himself for a while and boy did it work). We got him a trampoline.-not a big one in the backyard but a mini one for inside the house. Secretly, I'm hoping having the trampoline will redirect him from jumping on his bed but we'll see. At the very least, it should provide a nice distraction when we're stuck inside this winter. All day yesterday and today he was jumping and jumping and jumping. It was hilarious. He was dripping with sweat at one point and I had to make him stop and read a book with me. Between all the jumping and the growth spurt, he ate three times what he normally would. I kept having flashes of what the teenage years will be like...first all the cooking, then the grocery bill. I have to admit, I was frightened.

After our rather messy dinner tonight...Spanish meatballs and rice, it was bath time. That was the point in the day that drove me to drink. The boy was getting out of the tub and (as per our ritual) he was wearing a towel while I was getting his toothbrush ready. I had my back turned for a second...all bad mom moments start with those words. The boy ripped off his towel and grabbed a bottle from the cabinet

...it was baby powder.

wet toddler + baby powder = sticky grossness (which I'm sure will be funny one day looking back)

In the split second that I had as the boy was about to squeeze the bottle I swooped down and said his name. It wasn't yelling; it was that way only a mom can say your name...barely a whisper but more frightening than any battle cry ever shouted. Unfortunately, it was a bit too frightening and the boy jumped and squeezed the bottle....hard. I reached to grab his arm to keep him in the bathroom and contain the situation.

Didn't work.

He ran out of the bathroom and into the next room...the spare bedroom where we keep the dog kennel and that's just where he went. He ran naked, wet, and covered in baby powder into the dog's kennel, grabbed the door behind himself and shut it. All the while, still squeezing the baby powder and loving every moment of it.

We have a big dog. His kennel is big.

In order to get the kid out, I had to go in. Needless to say I got covered in sticky, gross baby powder paste and to top it off the dog had come into the room to see what was going on with his kennel. Balak, our dog, aka Bubba is very particular about things. He LOVES to sleep and his blanket is to him what a bone is to most dogs. You don't mess with Bubba's blanket. So, he was pacing in front of his kennel whining...panicking really about his blanket being covered in the same goop that we were covered in.

In the end, I kicked the dog outside, gave the kid another bath, put him to bed, washed the dog's precious blanket, cleaned the bathroom, bedroom and hallway floors and poured myself a drink.

My son is two. I can do this.

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Warning: it's pretty long...I'll try not to be away so long...catching up on the blogs I read on all that's been going on here is a little crazy

It's been about a week and a half and though I've wanted to at least get on here and read some blogs, for the most part I haven't...it's been crazy and not in the usual sense so here it is in a nut shell, the good, the bad & the ugly (I like to end with the good so yeah, it's out of order)...

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The Bad: We (read: I, with my totally clueless almost two year old son) had to put Murray, our husky/lab mix down. Yup, doesn't get much worse than that for our family. He was only 4 years old but he was in kidney failure. The vet said his crankiness (he's been bullying our other dog and I just attributed it to the hubs being gone) was due to being in pain so yeah, now there's guilt too. To top it off, if we had discovered the underlying cause early enough...a heart defect, we could have treated it fairly inexpensively and he would have lived a long, full life. Double guilt. To top it off, the boy and I went back and forth with some sort of stomach flu. It was beyond terrible to be sick and have a sick child with no one in this tiny little town. And to top it off, we missed my step-brother's graduation party/visiting family from Florida...my Grandma (aka GG), my favorite Aunt (shh, don't tell the other 8 blood Aunts or 5 in-law Aunts) and a cousin who is not only sane (rare on that side) but also pretty cool. My closest friend is PCSing this coming week and this last week she was gone to her husband's OCS graduation. I know we'll stay close thanks to the internet but I'm going to miss midnight movies, Broadway shows, cafe moments and just knowing she's less than an hour away.

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The Ugly: My house-between dealing with a sick dog, having visitors (I'll go more into that in "the good"), and then getting sick ourselves, my house is in total disarray. My hair-it's just not at a cute stage in growth and I have pretty much no skill when it comes to hair/make-up...one of many reasons I prefer to be behind the camera instead of in front of it. Our yard-how do single moms with jobs and kids and pets and homes keep up with the mowing, the gardening and everything else??? I barely work, I only have one kid but I feel like I have to pick between inside the house or outside the house...what will get done today? The outside rarely wins.

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The Good :) We're over the stomach bug!!! YAY! We were able to spend a couple days with the triplets...I'm not sure if I've mentioned them on here before but before getting married I was a nanny and the family I worked for the longest had a set of triplets. They were 4 when I moved in and 6 when I left to get married and I love them all dearly. (They got me a Mother's Day card and I nearly cried because I love those kids so much). Since Joshua's been gone, I haven't seen them as often as usual and I've hated it but it's just tough to bring three ten year olds into our little house with the dog(s), and the toddler and everything else but this visit was wonderful...didn't do much for the state of my house but did wonders for my heart. I met two milwives this week and was really excited to be able to share my heart with someone who understands face to face. The first is an AF Wife (and former DODDS teacher-which ironically enough is what I wanted to do when I was in college) that I met from another friend. The other I didn't meet in person but online but I'm still super excited because she happens to be married to a man who is at Ft Leonard Wood going through BCT with Joshua. We have tons in common beyond that too. Her son is 21 months old, mine's 22 months (I think they even have the same Nemo decor but that's just what Joshua said), I think we graduated high school the same year and they too are Disney people...if you're a Disney person, you understand what that means...we go to Disney World as often as we can which brings me to what I consider to be the best "Good" of this last week or two...we've booked our next trip to Walt Disney World!!! We're staying in the same resort we stayed at on our first trip together (it was Joshua's first trip ever) and I know we're going to have a great time!

Civility

Last week, we found a lost dog...he was tiny and there was a storm coming so I took him in. It wasn't the easiest thing as our home is not huge and he was essentially terrified of our big dogs though they did their best to be welcoming. Even the boy was very gentle with him which considering that he's used to literally wrestling with the big boys, I was pretty proud.

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We took all the typical steps to find his owners...left a message with our town's animal control guy (yup, we live in a town so small we have one police officer who is in charge of animal control, Quinton, everyone knows Quinton...), took the little guy who didn't have a collar to the only vet in town to see if he was microchiped with no success, posted a FOUND dog ad on craigslist and searched the paper for a missing dog announcement. All to no avail.

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He didn't fit in with our family and as the boy and I are going out of town Thursday and I didn't want to pay for a 3rd dog to be boarded, I started putting feelers out for a new home. I found a great new home but was going to wait until the last minute to drop him off because I wanted to give the owner every chance possible.

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Then this morning, before anyone in house was awake, someone began POUNDING on our door. I am NOT a morning person so I ignored the first set of pounding hoping it was just neighborhood kids being bratty (although I knew it had never happened before). With the second set of floor shaking pounding, I got out of bed...mostly in hopes that I could dismiss the person before they woke the boy. It was a woman about my age with a school-aged boy who was crying.

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The woman: "Are you the (our last name)s?"

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Me: "uh, yeah...?"

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The kid: sob sob sob

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The woman: "You have MY dog, give him back to me now!"

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Me: (still not totally awake) "uh, the little thing?" (thing was not the word going through my mind as it was the most clingy, whiny, annoying dog in the world

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The kid: gasping looking at his mom with hope

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The woman: "Yes, hurry up, I have to get my son to school" (as she proceeds to enter my home without an invitation which is a BIG no-no in my world)

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Me: "We have large dogs that are not stranger friendly, please stay on the porch and I'll bring the little dog to the door" (not knowing his name was super frustrating)

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The woman: "It's my dog and I'll come in and get him if I want"

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Me: thinking: ...not a good idea woman...I grab the little thing and before I turn the corner I ask "can you tell me a distinguishing mark so I know it's your dog?"

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The kid: excited "YEAH, he has a white..."

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The woman: interrupts to yell "OH MY GOD, I DON'T have time for this sh**, I'm coming in to get him or I'll just call the police"

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The kid: sobbing again "PLEASE mom!"

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Me: "Seriously??"

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The woman: rolling her eyes, "He has a f***ing diamond on the back of his neck"

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Me: "Great, here you go."

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The kid: "OH Bo, I've missed you" (oh it's named Bo, good to know)

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The woman: to her son "Get in the f***ing truck NOW!"

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Me: "you're welcome...no, don't worry about the dog food or kennel I had to buy because he couldn't eat the big food and when left out he ate my son's toy...your thanks is more than enough..." (of course everything after welcome wasn't heard because they were already in the truck and speeding away)

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I'm pretty sure that she got my address and name from Quinton (who, btw, never actually called me back himself) but the whole ordeal was disheartening. When did it become ok to treat people like that? I know this was an extreme case but every time I go to the store or the library, I see rude people. People who don't seem to care that the words "Please and Thank You" are missing from their vocabulary. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of days when I was irritated about one person or situation and took it out on another but as a whole it seems like our "connected" society has become so accustomed to getting exactly what they want, when they want it that they've disconnected from civility.

Silence

...the boy is napping in his room...
...the dogs are sunbathing in the back yard...
...the TV's off...
...the iPod is charging...
...my phone is silent...

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This is my life, most of the time now. My mom told me last week that she was worried about me and the monotony that seems to be so present in this new life. I told her not to worry about it and the truth is that although there are days like today, a holiday, when I wish that my phone would ring, I like the quiet. My childhood and young adult life was often more dramatic than I would have preferred and sometimes I think we underestimate the value of silence. I enjoy my own company. I enjoy reading or playing Suduko (I once got Joshua to play an expert level and he woke up that night with the only nightmare that I've known him to have...the number 3 was attacking him. He has since refused to ever play "that evil game" again).

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I think about generations ago who didn't have the libraries we have, the global community of the internet and even just the possibility of several letters a week...all within days of being written. I think in a way, we've gotten lazy (I use the collective we as a society, not any group in particular). We expect to be entertained all the time and at a moment's notice. It reminds of my son when he wants me to read the same book OVER and OVER again. At some point, I have to put the book down (for my own sanity) and tell him to find something else, to use his imagination and play with his cars. I love imagination, I love to daydream and I love the silence. Of course I love the silence more when my husband is sitting next to me but until he can again, I'm going to cherish the silence.

Bubba & Murray

(sorry about the pic quality...it's from a phone camera)

Even with Joshua away, I'm still outnumber by boys three to one.

Our two 90 lb dogs, Balak, which roughly means destroyer in Hebrew and Murray, mostly named after the dog from Mad About You and because he just looked like a Murray are a handful without Joshua but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Despite his name, Balak is most often referred to as Bubba because "destroyer" really, really doesn't fit him. Although Bubba's a pure bred 90 lb Rhodesian Ridgeback, a breed also called "Lion Killers," a breed which was originally bred in Africa to protect farms and families from lions, a breed which only requires 3-4 dogs to keep a lion at bay and a breed which boasts that a single dog can take down an orangutan...no one told Bubba any of this. Don't get me wrong, he's really strong and even sometimes quite protective-especially when I was pregnant. However, the vast majority of the time, he prefers to sleep (completely under a blanket). It's my opinion that he's simply unaware that he is a dog. He won't chase a ball or a stick to save his life...he might chase another dog who's chasing a ball but only if he feels like it. He's also the same dog who in the summertime will absolutely refuse to get into the car if the A/C isn't on and the car cooled (let me tell you, getting a 90 lb dog into a car when he has all four limbs spread eagle is not easy). All that being said, when I was pregnant, I took the dogs to the local dog park to play when a German Shepard who was merely trying to be playful jumped up on me. No harm done but out of the corner of my eye I saw a brown blur running full speed from the other end of the park. Bubba jumped and grabbed the German Shepard by the neck mid air and had him pinned to the ground before most of the people or other dogs knew what was going on. He didn't hurt the other dog. Bubba just held him down but nonetheless, the other owner wasn't too pleased and we promptly left the park. 90% of the time Bubba is the most boring dog you could ever meet...he should be the "alpha" of our two dogs-he's older, bigger, stronger and we've had him longer but unless it has to do with his blanket or sleep in general, he's good with letting Murray be top dog. That said, don't mess with his blanket...the biggest scuffle I saw them get into wasn't over food or anything you might expect, Murray stood on Bubba's blanket which caused it to fall off his face and expose (gasp!) the sunlight to his face. He's a great dog, he just doesn't know it.

Then, there's Murray...he's special in a whole other way. Murray is a rescue dog. Not to go too far into it, Murray was severely beaten, starved and finally abandoned. Joshua, my loving, kind, very animal-friendly husband couldn't pick up a ball cap or clothes hanger for months after we adopted Murray. For the first 3 weeks, Joshua could barely walk into a room without Murray getting so scared he peed (that was unpleasant). When we picked him up, he weighed 21 lbs and he wouldn't leave my side. We were told he was some sort of "small" yellow lab mix and he wouldn't be more than 35 lbs unless we overfed him. Yeah...they were wrong. Within a very short amount of time, Murray surpassed the 35 lb mark, his tail started to curl and his fur got fluffy...we now assume our 85 lb Murray is an Alaskan Husky/Yellow Lab mix (I guess they got the yellow lab part right). Murray still has some issues from his past...we can't raise our voices too much or rush him and he is NOT stranger friendly so we had concerns that when our son was born, Murray would have to find another family. Wow, were we wrong. From the moment our son came home, he had a best friend. The first time I realized how much Murray loved Benjamin, he was 3 weeks old and taking a nap in his crib. We co-slept at night so most of the time his crib was used for holding clean laundry when I didn't have the chance to put it away. This particular day, there was a small pile of clothes on one side and Benjamin slept on the other (the crib seemed so big then). I went to fix myself a snack and left Benjamin's door open as the monitor wasn't yet set up in his room. I heard a noise that was too soft to be a cry but not something I had ever heard before so I went to investigate and when I got to Benjamin's room, I found Murray laying on the pile of clothes next to my precious boy still fast asleep. The sound I had heard was Murray jumping into the crib. Not wanting to wake the baby but furious, terrified of what could have happened and totally surprised that Murray would even do it, I yelled (as much as one can yell while whispering) at Murray to get out. It was the first but certainly not the last time I would find Murray in the crib. For the next several months, if Benjamin was in his crib, his door was shut, whenever I would go in to get him, Murray was right there with me, often jumping into the crib. To this day, every morning Murray greets Benjamin and Benjamin loves it. Not only does Murray let Benjamin yell, pinch, poke, and rush at him, he really seems to enjoy it. The dog that was mine, who "put up" with my husband because he loved me has a new love and I don't blame him one bit.