Knee Update

Ok. So a few people have asked about how Joshua's doing with his knee. He's been home from deployment for over a year and the VA has just this month given him an official diagnosis. He tore his medial collateral ligament/MCL (no surprise there) and has early signs of osteo-arthritis in his knee (ugh, something to look forward to). 

We've decided to go with a more conservative route of treatment because right now he has full range of movement-he just has a ton of pain with that movement. Conversely, if we have them go in and replace the MCL (with a cadaver piece-didn't know that was what they used until we saw the surgeon), his range of movement could be drastically effected based on how tight or loose the new MCL is and there's really no way of telling until after the surgery.

They've outfitted him with what I affectionately call his "Terminator" knee brace...it's a huge metal hinged thing that goes from mid-calf to mid-thigh and looks rather daunting. He says it's helping. Anything would be better the the itty-bitty, useless neoprene thing they gave him "over there" but hey, they also threw a few ibuprofen at him so I guess he was fine. He's also finally been set up with weekly physical therapy appointments and scheduled steroid shots. The surgeon has recommended going in and "scraping everything out" (doesn't that sound fun?!). Not sure when that will be scheduled but it's the best they can do short of replacing the MCL. 

So our journey continues.

5 (Post) New Year's Wishes

I've been tagged. 

But it's actually pretty cool...JG from Me and My SoldierMan was tagged by Mrs Banana Pants to post 5 Christmas Wishes...that deadline passed and JG posted 5 great New Year's Wishes so now I'm posting my own (Post) New Year's Wishes. It was pretty tough for me to come up with them because I hadn't really given much (read: none, zero, zilch, nada) thought into a resolution. I'm not against resolutions in general, I'm just cynical about my own abilities to follow through and I can't stand saying I'll do something and then not doing it...sorry, therapy tangent. Anyway, here they are...

5. Be Nice. I should mention that I think I'm a pretty nice person by nature but there's a very cynical, sarcastic, sometimes hurtful side that bubbles over. It's not good. If I was totally honest, it's arrogance and it's rude. So, this is me pledging to be nice...even if you're the idiot hippie type of individual who feels it necessary to openly hate everything I love. 

This one's going to be tough to keep on Twitter.

4. Be Generous. With my time and resources. Specifically, I want to keep fostering puppy dogs one at a time...eventually (read: bigger house) we'd like to become Puppy Raisers who help raise and train assistance dogs. It's so easy to say this week isn't good for us or someone else can do it but if everyone says that, the problem of dogs being put down would only get worse. We lost our precious Murray a couple years ago and now with just our Bubba, we have the space and I can't begin to count the ways it has helped our children grow in empathy and understanding.

This one makes me glad we got rid of all the carpet in the house.

3. Be Together...as in with Joshua, just Joshua. He's home. We've given it time and the kids have adjusted really well. No one's nursing or pregnant (woohoo-my body is my own again!). Now is the time to embrace "us" time. Joshua and I haven't taken a vacation just the two of us (well, apart from a really great road trip to and from El Paso) since before our 4 1/2 year old son was born. This will be the year we escape. I'm not sure where we'll go or what we'll do but I do know we'll have a great time.

Thanks to my parents, we've already got three awesome date nights planned between now and May...for Christmas they bought Joshua and I theater tickets for three different shows...Jekyll and Hyde, Cathy Rigby's Peter Pan and Westside Story. SUPER EXCITED!

2. Be At Peace. I'm not very good with change...particularly change I have NO control over but we already know there will be a ton of changes in the year to come...like huge changes...changes that will effect our family forever. Intimidating changes. There's still a dozen things that need to happen before I feel comfortable posting any real details but I can tell you that I'm proud of my husband and I trust that God will open the doors that need to open and close the doors that need to close. In the meantime, I (gulp) choose peace. 

Ok. I'm a total control freak. This one's hard.

1. Be Aware. I'm blessed. I stay home with our children and we've chosen to home-school so I get the pleasure of spending a lot of time with my children but I've noticed it's easy to go through the steps of life while letting it pass me by. My son will be FIVE in June. My daughter will be TWO in July...it's surreal. I want to really see what they become next. If my son will continue to be overprotective of his sister. How he'll assert his individualism. It goes beyond if Batman and Capt America will still be his favorite super heroes or if he'll still insist on wearing a bow tie as often as possible. It goes to his core...the kind of man he will grow into. I see glimpses of it every day. These years are so precious. And our daughter...wow. She's just at that stage where her personality in all it's glory is really starting to show through and I can't wait to see what aspects are solidified and what traits fade to the background. We call her our little daredevil but she's deathly afraid of water. She's pensive and observant before she declares her opinion...but when she's made up her mind, watch out, there's no stopping that child.

These are the days I wish I could freeze time altogether. It goes too fast.

Strong Bonds Marriage Retreat

Last weekend Joshua and I went to a marriage retreat put on by the Army...frightening, right?! At least it was for me before we got there. I was having nightmares of death by power point and rooms with hundreds of men dragged by their wives couples. For the record, Joshua is the one who signed us up.

Confession: I was that annoying kid who enjoyed sitting in the front of class learning new things. I liked to know the answer. Joshua, on the other hand, was less than a stellar student growing up and based on the amount of inappropriate laughing at the yellow ribbon events, most of the soldiers in his unit were also familiar with the back row antics of elementary and middle school but I digress.

This weekend wasn't really what I expected at all. Yes-there were power point slides but they weren't overwhelming and the class was small, only 24 couples (although they had apparently been approved to fund up to 100...but more on that below). The small size, for me, really kept the intimidation factor down. Another thing we found helpful was the lack of uniforms. Everyone, even the chaplains who ran it showed up in civi's which automatically made it more relaxed. The classes were good and the chaplains were both funny and helpful. 

The retreat was at a nice hotel about ten minutes from Bricktown (for those unfamiliar with OKC, Bricktown is the downtown area popular with restaurants, clubs and entertainment). Classes began on Saturday morning with several breaks including a long one for lunch and we were out by 4pm and strongly encouraged to go on a date...which we did and it was excellent. Then, Sunday, we had classes in the morning and were able to leave after lunch. The classes covered half a dozen different areas and although we used a workbook, we didn't go through the whole thing or even try to. We skipped around but still felt that we got a well-rounded and whole experience.

The only real downside (aside from the frigidly cold conference room-like put on a parka cold) was that so few people even knew about it. Originally the retreat was unit specific but because they didn't get the response they had expected, they opened it up to the entire 45th and yet, still only 24 couples went. The main reason, in my opinion, wasn't a lack of interest (because let's face it, at worst it's a free night at a hotel) but instead a lack of awareness. We basically stumbled upon it but I'm glad we did.

So, if you or your spouse is in the Oklahoma Army National Guard, know that there are Strong Bond Marriage retreats for you (you must be married not just engaged or dating and I have no idea how the Army handles same sex marriages). Whether you want to learn to communicate better, are in a good place and just want to make your marriage stronger or things aren't going so well and you need a good place to start contact your chaplain or the main chaplain office and sign up. There's another Strong Bond Marriage Retreat this fall and we were told they plan to apply for funding for a Strong Bond Family Retreat sometime in October (no idea if or when that funding will be approved and the retreat will take place but we're more than likely going to attend because let's face it, kids are a major area of stress on a marriage, even if your marriage is rock solid).

In a nutshell...

Would I do it again? Yes.

Would Joshua recommend it? (I specifically asked him before I wrote this post) Absolutely.

Did we learn new ways to communicate effectively? Yes.

Did it help our marriage? Most definitely.

Six Years Down...Fifty Four To Go

Six years ago I told my best friend I'd be with him forever...actually I specifically never used the word forever because I'm a commitment-phobe and the idea of forever gave me palpitations. Forever was of course implied in the vows but I very specifically told my now husband beforehand that I could only promise 60 years and we'll do sort of a year-to-year lease option after that. 

Somehow what I had intended to be a slightly sappy, cute little post about my husband and our anniversary has gone badly off course. So, I guess I'll just make it short and sweet...

Joshua understands my fears, my failures, my weaknesses and loves me anyway. He says the sarcastic things I think but does it so masterfully that the people it's directed towards, love him that much more for it. He's the best father any kid could have. He takes care of me when I'm sick and doesn't hold it against me that I tell him to suck it up when he's sick. He comes across as the mean one and lets me be the nice one (shh, it's a secret...he's a marshmallow-I'm the mean one). He lets me hold the remote. He shares my ridiculous obsession with all things Disney and graciously cooperates when I'm constantly saying that I want to stop and take a picture...over and over when most of the time he'd rather be doing just about anything in that moment other than smiling and pinning the children in their places while I click away. He supports my decision to stay home and would equally support me if I chose to go back to work. He cuddles up with me and watches chick flicks without complaint (even the ones he's not secretly excited about too).

He's my best friend and I miss him. 

Ok. Sappy moment over.

Back from R&R...sort of.

R & R has come and gone. Joshua has returned to his FOB and the kids and I are back at my aunt's house. We're not home yet and although I'm heart broken that we'll miss a good friend's wedding, getting back in time for it just wasn't possible. I feel like I need to get back up on my feet before we do this whole deployment at home alone with two kids thing again. In some ways it was harder to say goodbye to Joshua because I knew what was ahead but I also feel like it was easier because this time, I'm not pregnant (unless R&R left us with a special souvenir-please God, no special souvenirs).

So here's our vacation as condensed as possible...

Our first picture as a family of 4. Please excuse the quality. It was a phone pic the night we picked Joshua up from the airport. We all just piled in the bed and cuddled until the kids fell asleep.

The next day, we checked into our Disney resort. The All-Star Movies. We picked it because the boy is in love with all things Toy Story so we opted for the preferred rooms in the Toy Story building. To be honest, I wasn't expecting much because the All-Stars are the older value resorts and not to sound like a snob but we really think of the mansions at Port Orleans Riverside as our home away from home. But, much to my surprise, it was great. The boy loved it. We were super close to the main building. The pool was fun and the cast members (Disney's name for employees) were wonderful-especially Bob at the arcade. We loved Bob. I wish I had more pics of the resort but as always upon check-in, 

I said "Babe, let's go take some pics of the kids at the resort"

Joshua, as always replied, "No, we'll do it later. I promise. You'll get pics of the resort this year"

And then, as always, it didn't happen. 

So, moving on. Our first park visit was Seaworld. It was a first for all of us and thanks to their military discount, it was free. To be honest, I would have been disappointed if we had paid the $200something to get in because although we had a good time, we discovered it's not a very small child-friendly place. You are not permitted to bring strollers into any of the aquarium buildings. At. All. Fabulous. So, we won't be returning until the kids are out of strollers totally but then I'm sure we'll go back.

One of our favorite things was the Shamu show, One Ocean, but fair warning when Seaworld says it's a soak zone, it's a soak zone. The baby was not a fan of the soak zone. Ooops. Parenting fail.

I had the pleasure of feeding the dolphins. Joshua and boy both got to touch them earlier but stayed with the baby while I fed Flipper(s).

 

Seaworld has a few kiddie coaster type rides. This one was the boy's favorite. It's the kind that goes straight up and then just drops. Not. My. Idea. Of. Fun. But the boy loved it.

After we went to Seaworld but before we hit the main four Disney theme parks, we went to Disney's Typhoon Lagoon. 

Me and the hubs at the water park. He's so cute.

Swimming with the sharks at Typhoon Lagoon.

 

Joshua and the kids at the Wave Pool. The girl was good with it...but the boy in his elder wisdom was a bit terrified. The wave that pool produces are pretty impressive. I was told the waves are 6 feet...since I'm 5'2" and a terrible swimmer, I didn't go out much past my hips and even then, I had to fight to stay on my feet with each wave.

Normally we laugh at people who leave water parks because it's raining but about an hour before the park closed, what can only be described as a monsoon hit. So this is us, running to the truck. Btw, we bought a Kodak water proof camera before the trip and it was great! We used it at Seaworld, Typhoon Lagoon, the resort pool and all the water rides at Disney. I highly recommend it. It takes great shots under water and even really great video with audio. For the price, you really can't beat it.

Our next big event was the Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party. We went with a big group (my family)  and all dressed as characters from Peter Pan.

From left to right...Tinker Bell (our baby girl), Capt Hook (Joshua), a pirate (me), Peter Pan (our son), Nana (my Aunt who is aka Nana), Wendy (my cousin's daughter), Smee (my grandmother GG), Tiger Lily (my cousin), the crocodile complete with a clock (my cousin's son), and an Indian (my cousin's husband).

 I'm proud to say that I made both the Peter Pan and Capt Hook costumes (GG helped me with the Capt Hook but Pan was all me...it was also my first time with putting a zipper in).

Our favorite things of the night were the Halloween parade (which opened with the headless horseman above), the Villains Show (a musical show with almost all the Disney villains held on a stage in front of the castle) and HalloWishes (the special Halloween fireworks). It was great and we had a wonderful time but it's not something which I think we'll "have" to do every year.

We had the smallest, cutest Tinker Bell in all of Magic Kingdom. Everyone told us so.

HalloWishes

One of my favorite things about this trip (aside from the obvious-got to see the hubs and he got to meet our baby girl) was that my GG came this year. It was her first visit in over 20 yrs. My aunt and cousin were a bit cruel and convinced my 81 yr old GG who is not a fan of roller coasters to ride Expedition Everest without telling her anything about it. For those of you who don't know what Expedition Everest is...it's one of Disney's fastest roller coasters and without giving the best part away, it does something very few roller coasters in the world do.

 GG and our baby girl.

Instead of an autograph book, this year, we brought a football and had all the characters sign it. The boy loved it and all the characters had a great time. Goofy even played catch with the boy for a few minutes.

We spent a day at Hollywood Studios and the boy (aka Buzz) and the girl (aka Jesse) got to meet the real Buzz and Woody.

We happened to be visiting Walt Disney World on the official 40th anniversary. Magic Kingdom was packed but it was fun to see all the die hard Disney fans.

WDW's 40th Anniversary.

My favorite boys

DINO-BOY

One of the things we were most looking forward to was the appointment we had booked for the boy at The Pirate's League (it's a pirate make-over where little boys and girls get to pick a new pirate name, get one of five different face paint options, take an official pirate oath, and get booty in the treasure room-a sword, sheath, medallion and sash)...but since the boy had never had his face painted before, we thought it would be a  good idea to do a test run first at Animal Kingdom's Dino-land. It turned out we were right because the boy was extremely unsure of the whole face-painting thing. We found out AFTER he became Dino-boy that he thought it was permanent like a tattoo. Once he realized it was temporary, he did everything he could to keep his face paint on and it set us up perfectly for The Pirate's League where the boy picked the scariest face paint Disney offered...

Before.

We brought the costume from home but Disney sold basically the same thing for $65.

After.

This is Jeremiah Sharkstench.

 Our last day at the parks was also OU/Texas. We had lunch at Le Cellier and then walked around World Showcase enjoying the Food and Wine Festival...something we did 3 other days too. We knew the score of the game without even looking at a phone because every time we passed a Texan, they bowed their head in shame.
BOOMER! SOONER!

It was a trip of a lifetime and I'm so glad we got to go (thank you Army for not screwing up the dates). It was horrible to leave Joshua at the airport but we're over halfway through this thing and now we can focus on the fact that the next time we see each other again, it will be because Joshua's home.

A New Chapter

Rarely in life can we look back and say this specific day or even week was the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one but that's what this week is for our little family.

Today, I had my last 3D/4D ultrasound of baby girl. I'll probably have another 2D in a week or two but if you've ever had a 3D/4D you know the difference. Between the boy and baby girl, I've had well over a dozen of these types of ultrasounds and it's a bit surreal to think that I'll probably never have another. Our little princess is measuring about a week ahead of schedule and is showing none of the signs of distress we saw in the first and second trimester. Equally reassuring is the fact that the cardiac medication I'm on doesn't appear to be affecting her growth (a possible side effect) whatsoever and the best news, at least for me, came when the perinatalogist took a few extra images and video of our baby's heart. Not because he was concerned but because he said it was the perfect example of what a strong fetal heart should look like. The four different chambers were clearly visible and apparently text book in shape and activity. He told me he plans to use the images and video to help teach proper sonograph reading. Of course it was a proud Mommy moment but for me it was more than that. My biggest fear with both of my children has been that I would somehow pass on my own cardiac complications or that the medications that I take to stay healthy while pregnant will affect their little hearts. The only downside to the ultrasound was that baby girl is a bit smooshed at this point and getting a decent image was a bit tough. Here's the only mostly clear image we were able to get this time around...

Our last 3D/4D ultrasound wasn't the only major event today. Joshua (still on his mini-leave in Florida) took the boy to the ocean for the first time. It was also the first time they got to really fish together and I'm proud to say that my son is apparently a natural fisherman. On more than one occasion he reeled in TWO fish on one line! I didn't even know you could do that. And from what I understand, the boy did it all...cast the line, waited and then wound it back up to the pier they were fishing off of. I really couldn't care less about fishing but I was impressed. Our little guy is growing up, Joshua's about to leave the country and our baby girl will be here in just a couple weeks...new chapters all around.

(the boy was trying to hold up two fingers to indicate that he caught two fish but apparently Nana wasn't fast enough with the camera)

(learning about catch and release)

(my two favorite people)

(swimming in the ocean for the first time)

I need to give props to my wonderful husband for not only covering our little blondy's pale head but doing so with a Cars hat which matches the Cars swim trunks I sent...I was very impressed with Joshua.

***For the record, if you're not high risk and already scheduled to have a 3D/4D ultrasound but are considering purchasing one...I personally recommend going around the 24-28 week mark because they look less alien-esque, they have some meat on their little bones but mostly they're still small enough that they aren't going to be smooshed against the uterine wall (which is why today's images were a bit blurry). My favorite ultrasound of baby girl was around the 22 week mark (she measured ahead from the beginning)...here it is...

The would-be Father's Day surprise

Today's a pretty special day for our family. Not just because we get to celebrate Joshua and how awesome a Dad he is but today is the first day of his final "mini-leave" stateside before he leaves the country.

First the bad news, he's stationed about 1000 miles from us and isn't allowed to come all the way home...and I'm 35 weeks pregnant so no one will allow me to travel.

The good news is that I have an Aunt who lives near where he's stationed. She's been on vacation with us and we're very close (plus she's retired from 20 years in the Navy so she gets it). The other good news is that when I learned the dates from Joshua about a month ago, my Mom (who rocks), my Aunt (also rocks) and I started plotting. We hatched a grand plan to get the boy out to see Joshua for the mini-leave...the best part? Joshua's leave runs exactly from Father's Day to midnight on the boy's 3rd birthday.

Yup. Sappy, moment.

All was a go and Joshua was absolutely clueless...until the Army once again became a 4-letter word in our home on Friday (aka the day before my mother and the boy were to fly out at 6am). LONG story short, the Army screwed up some paperwork and Joshua's mini-leave and even our scheduled R&R later this fall were in jeopardy. He called to tell me about it...after my step-Dad had picked up the boy who was fully packed and very excited about the trip. I was in the middle of Walmart when Joshua said he would most likely get it resolved sometime the next day...which really didn't work for me considering their flight times and the only way I could explain how important it was that things got sorted out earlier was to let the cat out of the bag.

So, in the middle of Walmart, I was crying and telling Joshua the surprise...meanwhile, he went from being in a pissy mood because his leave was jacked up to "leaking." In fact, his exact words to me were "how am I supposed to be a bad ass out here if you make me leak." It was the moment that was supposed to happen in a parking lot today but instead happened over the phone on Friday. I was glad to know that at least he never suspected anything...surprising considering that pretty much EVERYONE he knew, knew about it.

After all that was said and done, he got his leave sorted and now my two favorite people get to spend a few precious days together. This year's Father's Day will be one we all remember.

Dog House

My husband. He's the quintessential all or nothing kind of guy. He's that guy who either makes all other husbands look really bad...or he's the example other men can use to make themselves look better. There is no in between.

Prime example: a couple years ago for Valentine's Day, Joshua did what he called the "14 Days of Valentines." Every day I came home to something new...nothing really expensive and not even always something he bought...just something that was special for me every day...my favorite candy bar...a bubble bath with candles...etc.

Go ahead...oooh, ahhhh.

One month later, my birthday came and went...nada. Not a card, not a happy birthday baby. Not a stinkin' cupcake with a candle.

Flash forward to this weekend. Mother's Day weekend (not to mention Friday was Military Spouse Appreciation Day but we'll ignore that one because it's not exactly the Hallmark holiday Mother's Day has become).

Again, nada. Oh wait, no, worse than nada...I got a text message which read

"btw happy mothers day"

...not even a post on facebook.

Just a reminder, I'm 7 1/2 months along a high risk, difficult pregnancy and home with a 2 yr old. Alone. Every day.

I get that he probably sent a card or something and the fabulous mail just hasn't come yet but in my very pregnant (read: pissy) state, I think the boy should have mailed it early enough to be here before Sunday. My goodness, he's stateside...only a couple states away in fact...it's not that tough.

But he didn't so he's kind of in the dog house. And something I've realized with deployment/pre-deployment training is that when he gets into the dog house, he could stay there MUCH longer than usual because he's not here every day to see my angry eyes (as Mrs Potato Head would say). The flip side of it is that we don't get the chance to talk for very long and we don't skype often so I'll most likely get over it pretty quickly because life goes on and I have to talk to him...I have to tell him about the homeowners insurance that has a mistake in the breakdown letter I just received and that the boy's allergies/ear infections suck but he's a trooper.

Like everything else, deployment makes the dog house a totally different sort of situation.

Quarter-life crisis.

Two years ago, my husband went through what I somewhat affectionately refer to as his quarter-life crisis. He started seriously talking about joining the military. It had been a long standing joke (ha. ha.) because in high school he was in JROTC and in college he just sort of fit with "those" guys. So when a couple of our closest friends took the plunge as it were, I made a joke while driving home one night, "so, are you next?" When he replied "yes" without the sarcastic or jocular tone I expected I nearly had a heart attack...not really an exaggeration since I do have a heart condition. I knew he'd been considering it for a while and we'd had a few serious discussions but it was always one of those, maybe one day things that never really happen except that this time it did. Since we had JUST bought our first house and had an infant son, I was not totally thrilled. It took months of negotiations and research before Joshua finally swore in and for the most part, I think it's been a good thing for us.

Well, now it's my turn.

No. I'm not joining the military...even if I wanted to, which I don't (waking up before the sun and working out is NOT my idea of fun), they would never take me and all my unique health issues.

I'm just feeling really restless. I want to do an ironman triathlon, travel to exotic places and buy a convertible-I had one in college and desperately miss the feeling of driving down the highway with the top down on a warm summer day, ponytail waving in the wind, radio blasting.

The problem is that I can't do a triathlon...I can't swim (I can tread) and when I mentioned running a marathon to my cardiologist at my last visit, he laughed. Not an encouraging sign. As for traveling to exotic places and buying a convertible, it's really not in the cards any time soon. I'm pregnant...I'm not even allowed to drive 4 hours to Dallas. And Joshua's deployed so if I got a convertible, I'd also have to get a second set of car seats and it just kind of defeats the image of freedom in a convertible if you have two kids squeezed into the backseat.

So, what's my solution? A combination of deferment and projection. First, I'm reminding myself that I will not be pregnant forever and travel and convertibles will come again. To be honest, as much as this restlessness has me frustrated from time to time, I wouldn't change my life for anything. If I had waited to have children, it may never have happened for us...we didn't discover many of the health issues I have until we starting "trying." As for the triathlon, I informed Joshua last night that I would love for him to start training for one...he's deployed...what else is he going to do with all his time? His response was to tell me that he wasn't saying yes and wasn't saying no, which means he'll do it because I pretty much always get my way. Plus, I kind of think he owes me for agreeing to this whole military life and I think it's time to play that card. I plan to live vicariously through him. The other benefit of him doing the triathlon instead of me is that I get a husband who's ripped...win/win.

Father's Day

I'm just going to say it...I'm married to the World's Greatest Dad. It's true, all those coffee mugs, computer mouse pads and cheesy t-shirts were invented with my husband in mind. Let me explain how I know he's the best...

I was raised by a single mom-hardest job in the world but that's for another post. Father's Day in a word, sucked. It was my own personal reminder that my father didn't want me. He left before I was born and every year when Father's Day came around I felt like everyone was watching me...like I was wearing some sort of bastard scarlet letter. Growing up in northern Minnesota, Father's Day was usually just the week or two after school got out so more often than not, the last weeks of school were filled with crafts and cards for Dad. I would make the little gifts, knowing all the while that it would go to my mom (who fully deserved them) or to my Grandfather. It's just not the same. Now, with the benefit of adult wisdom (feel free to laugh at that) or more accurately, 27 years of hindsight, I know that my life was better without my biological father. I met him, Terry H, when I was 19, only 6 months after my mother married my step-dad, Terry R. Yup, both named Terry...apparently she has very specific preferences-actually, she didn't even realize the coincidence until I pointed it out one day. To keep things clear, I generally refer to them as Terry (meaning my step-dad) and bio-Terry (met him second and for much of my life he was a bio-hazard).

For years, I was totally confused as to how I'm supposed to celebrate Father's Day. Things with my step-dad are cordial because I know my mother loves him but I was in college when they got married and he has three kids of his own-all younger than me. Plus, he and I are both loud and stubborn but we're loud and stubborn about very different things. Other than loving my mom, we don't have much in common. As for bio-Terry, when we first connected, I made the decision to forgive him. I knew I couldn't live with hate but then as time progressed, I realized I had decided to forgive a man who had never apologized. It came to a head after the boy was born. I strongly believe in the benefit of having actively involved loving grandparents so I reached out again and to his credit, bio-Terry responded. But, after a visit for his birthday and seeing my 40-something first cousins (they're Irish Catholic) and all the pictures of my father who was there with all of them for every Kindergarten Graduation and birthday party, I left feeling like I had been punched in the stomach. To add insult to injury, at one point, bio-Terry had the nerve to tell me that he didn't hold anything against my mother. Yup, the man who admitted leaving my mother when she was pregnant with me and who didn't even tell his family that I existed until I found him, didn't hold anything against my mother who often worked two jobs to support us. I was furious and as immature as it may be, all I wanted was an apology. Some recognition of the pain his absence caused. So, I avoided him, his calls, his letters. That's my coping technique. I run. Like I said, immature. The worst part is that I love his family. They're hilarious. They're the type of family I dreamed about as a child...big and close. They get together almost every week in the summer for BBQs and pool parties. But it hurts too much to be one foot in that world and one foot out.

Which brings me to my amazing husband and why he is the World's Greatest Dad. His own dad divorced his mom when she was pregnant with him. She never re-married and his family is tiny. By all accounts, he was set up to fail as a father but instead he is the Buzz Lightyear of dads (he goes to infinity and beyond). From the time I was pregnant with the boy, he has been loving, protective and proud. (To the point where he didn't want me near any possible dangerous chemicals...like dish soap, lol...it was great). The first night in the hospital, the boy and I slept like champs while Joshua stood over the bassinet (all night) watching the boy breath. Because the boy was bundled so tightly and Joshua couldn't always see the boy's chest rise and fall, from time to time, he'd poke the boy. Yeah. He poked the sleeping baby. The first month we were home, Joshua let me have the bed to myself. He and the boy slept on the couch. It was a week and a half before I realized that Joshua had the boy sleeping face up on his chest...he had heard everyone at the hospital say that babies MUST sleep on their backs so as uncomfortable as I'm sure it was, he made sure the boy slept on his back. Joshua has loved the boy beyond measure and not just now that he's bigger and more able to do fun things like play catch and go to the park. He's the dad everyone like me, grows up dreaming of.

My Secret

My friends seem to know me as a fairly blunt (but I would hope tactful) type A, outgoing, slightly scatter-brained, confidant woman but the truth is I'm terribly insecure and completely afraid of confrontation. So, there it is, my secret. I don't even like telling the waitress when my food is bad, I make Joshua do it for me. I'm sure I'm not the only one but this little adventure known as the military has forced me to do things that are so far outside of my comfort zone, they scare me. I hate it. I hate that Joshua's not here. I hate that when stuff comes up, I'm the only one who can deal with it because I'm the only adult home. I found myself hiding in the bathroom crying this morning because I didn't want the boy to see me. I love my traditional marriage. I love that my husband takes care of me. I miss it.

Ok. Pitty party over. I have to go deal with two car dealerships and O'rileys now. Ugh.

Bragging

I just got a surprise call from Joshua because his platoon won extra phone time by winning the marksmanship banner with the final test. He didn't do as well in the final test as he had in a previous qualifier, 33 out of 40 targets ranging from 50-300 yards instead of the 39 out of 40 he had done previously but he also had pink eye today. So, for him to qualify at sharp shooter with pink eye is, in my opinion, pretty awesome. I'm very proud of my soldier tonight, as always.

Alien Boys

When you get married, everyone tells you to expect to learn "new" and sometimes "odd" things about your spouse-especially when you don't live together first as was the case for my husband and I. For the most part, I got exactly what I expected...he didn't leave the tube off the tooth paste or forget to put the toilet seat down. He is in most respects, very easy to cohabitate with but there was one thing I discovered that has boggled my mind for years...it's just weird. Joshua, my hubby, HATES having water in his ears. Ok, I'm sure you're thinking, that's not so weird, right? Well, I agree, it's what he does to solve the problem of water in his ears that I think is just bizarre. He likes to take a couple Q-tips and stick them in his ears...still, not so strange...but then he walks around the house with them sticking out of his head like little alien antennae for as much as 20 minutes...yeah, and HE makes fun of ME for being a Trekkie...he looks like he could be on Star Trek. Again, in and of itself, no big deal, right? Wrong. Because tonight, after the boy had his bath, I caught him take a couple Q-tips, stick them in his ears and walk away. This was not the first time he has mimicked his father's bizarre habit but I had hoped that this particular habit would disappear while Joshua was away. Now, I'm afraid one day I'll have to warn some lucky girl that the amazing guy she loves will from time to time, look like an alien.

Operation:Cute One

Ok, those of you who don't know me in real life will, I hope, be able to take this post with a grain of salt...

You see, I'm the cute one in the relationship, or at least I like to think so. Don't get me wrong, my husband's hott but when I got pregnant with the boy, it was Joshua and not I who kept the pregnancy weight. He blames it on the fact that I was able to nurse and shed the pounds pretty quickly...an excuse I don't let him get away with too often-especially since on two separate occasions, the boy tried to nurse from Joshua and "latched" on...HILARIOUS (from my perspective)! Picture it: they were both sound asleep and Joshua was shirtless when apparently the boy woke for a night nursing and then out of nowhere all I heard was "YOU LITTLE SH**"...coming from a man who rarely if ever curses. But I digress, this is supposed to be about me being the cute one...when Joshua and I finally agreed upon his enlistment into military, he started to work out and most of his preggie weight just disappeared in that annoying way only a man can manage. His arms and shoulders built up first and though you couldn't see them, there was a 6 pack just under the surface. Now, my love's at BCT and he has informed me that the 6 pack is in full view and yes, he has that ever allusive V...you know the one I mean...the one they had when while dating but somewhere between "I do" and returning from the honeymoon, it disappears never to be seen again.

I say all this not just to brag on Joshua (although I am pretty proud) but also because I'm worried...my 6 pack has never really existed...and since the boy changed everything, even flat (at least in my tummy area) has been a challenge so my mission while Joshua's gone is to get back to what I looked like when we were dating, or as close as this post-baby body can...mission codename: Operation:Cute One