December 16, 2011

No More Grinch

I've been in a funk lately and try as I might, I couldn't shake it. I couldn't will myself out of it. Which, for me, is very humbling because I see it as a weakness. It wasn't depression in the most dramatic sense, it was heart ache at the season and all that we're missing compounded with well-intended, ignorant people. The kind of people who think the song I'll Be Home For Christmas is a sweet song that should cheer me up...for the record, it's not sweet. It's more like soul-crushing.
But, then a friend emailed me (thanks again) and shared with me what helped her through her fiance's recent deployment. It wasn't the kind of email that gave me a three step solution to my problem or told me what I should be doing. It was just her experience and her recognition of how hard it can be during the holidays. I guess, in a sense, it reminded me that I'm not the only one doing this. It's been done since the beginning of time and the first war began.
Don't get me wrong, my funk wasn't a pity-party where I thought I was the only one having to deal with a difficult situation. It was just pain. It's so easy to get caught up in pain and isolation and allow it to pull you down even more, which in the end, just causes more pain and more isolation.
So, I'm going to try harder to remember that it's almost over, I'm not alone and maybe I'll manage to be a little less Grinch-y. In fact, we're going to a holiday parade this evening and after we'll probably drive around looking at lights. In fact, it could be fun to come up with ideas of what I want Joshua to do with our lights next year...because we will be going BIG next year with our lights.