August 2, 2011

I'm done.

It's been 5 months. I've learned more about myself, my husband, my children and my marriage than ever before this deployment and now I'm done.

I don't want to hear my son cry for his Daddy to come home. I don't want to be a single mom of a newborn who nurses every two hours 24 hours a day (yeah...went to the pediatrician yesterday and the Princess grew two and a half inches in two wonder I'm feeling drained). I want my son to stop being spoiled by his Grandma and gifts every week...sometimes every day and it's getting uncontrollable. He was misbehaving the other day pretty bad so I made him throw away one of his prized dinosaur toys...30 mins later he informed me that Grandma would buy him a new one.

I want my husband home. In a weird way, I keep expecting him to walk through the door just because I want him to. I'm not delusional, I know he won't be home for months...many, many months but I guess I'm just selfish. I've pretty much always managed to get what I really wanted until now. There's not enough work or manipulation or begging or praying or anything that will change the fact that he's still deployed and I'm still home with our kids.

On a happy/potentially dangerous-to-the-budget note, my Aunt (aka Nana), my cousin and her two kids will be in town for a long weekend and it's tax-free weekend for our state so let the shopping begin.


JG said...

Wow, I hit "refresh" and the whole layout changed.

I don't know how you do it. Which probably irritates you to read, but it's the truth. You are amazing and those kids have one of the best mothers I know. I can't even tell you how much I admire you for doing all of this on your own. You are amazing and you can do this. I know I can't be there for you but I am praying for you and the kids and I'll add these specifically. And please, indulge in some serious retail therapy this weekend. The boy has been spoiled plenty, time to spoil/reward yourself.