I'm sure the fact that the boy turned 3 years old yesterday didn't help. I'm a mom. Other than an Army Wife...there's not much else that describes me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a friend, a sister, a daughter...a major fan of all things Disney and photography but at my core...wife and mom. My son has been 1000 miles away from me for almost a week now. It was something I knew Joshua needed and something the boy needed but I didn't realize how much missing the boy's birthday would affect me. It's odd because the birthday in and of itself wasn't a big deal...I think the combination of the fact that my baby boy is now 3 years old, my husband has transitioned into a new stage in the deployment and I'm going to have a daughter in about three weeks was just more than I could handle for one day. I should have made plans with friends. I should have known it would be difficult but I didn't. I wanted to be home so I could talk with both of my boys if/when they could.
In a word, yesterday was bad. I cried so hard and so much that I started to contract. I tried to stop it. I tried to control myself and drink some water but there came a moment (warning...this is definitely an over share but it happened) when I had to stop because I wasn't sure if I had peed my pants (again) or if my water had broken. It's funny now and it was just what I needed to sober me up and make me get control but at the time it was just another thing to deal with.
That was yesterday. I think today will be better.