April 13, 2010

New Lives

I've been absent from the blogging world for about a week. Last Thursday the boy and I dropped off the dogs and went to his Godparent's house for a long weekend. There were two main purposes, 1-they had their gender ultrasound for their first baby (a girl!) and 2-I had an appointment to take maternity shots for another mom-to-be in the area. They live about 3 hours away which is just enough time that we couldn't do it in a day and so must either bring the beasts or board the beasts. As Joshua is still at Ft Leonard Wood, bringing them was out of the question in my mind but when we dropped them off, something strange happened, the boy had a melt down. Not the I'm-annoyed-to-be-in-my-carseat meltdown but the fearful meltdown of seperation anxiety. It was aweful and since I had only managed 4 hours of sleep the night before, I broke down and did the easy thing, candy...it was not the last time I would do that over the next few days (and sadly, I now have a little candy monster on my hands who will have to readjust to life without so much sugar).
Something that VERY few people knew this weekend was that I thought I might be pregnant. When I did the math, I realized that if I was, baby #2 would arrive at least 2-3 months before any "potential" deployment but if I wasn't, it's likely, no matter how quickly pregnancy happens after Joshua's return that he will not be home for the delivery. This hit me hard as a woman/blogger whom I recently began following (actually about a day after I started following her), posted the worst fear of any military wife. Her brave Marine had died and she was home with the baby girl he hadn't seen. It would be easier to have this conversation with my husband, in person or even online in real time, but instead, we have to communicate via letters right now. About an hour after the ultrasound and just as we were beginning to shop for all things baby girl, I found out that I wasn't pregnant. It didn't hit me how bad I wanted another baby now until I knew it wasn't there. I went to the bathroom and cried for a few minutes but knowing that there was nothing I could do but go on and be happy for my friend, I spent the weekend shopping and talking about what shade of pink would look best and how she would be the most beautiful baby girl ever. When we got home and went to the mailbox, it all hit me again. Inside was a letter from Joshua, excited and certain I was pregnant. I had high hopes of talking to him Sunday so that I could tell him as "in person" as possible but no phone call came so now he'll learn it in a letter and my heart breaks for him. This last weekend and the lack of communication at a time when I really wanted and needed my best friend felt like my real introduction into military life.
On a much happier note, the pics from the shoot turned out really well...here's a few of my favorites...hope you enjoy!


Shannon said...

Oh Bri - my heart goes out to you!

Wife on the Roller Coaster said...

What a sad post. The whole topic of pregnancy is just so tricky. I remember trying so hard to plan a pregnancy around my graduate school schedule and my husband's deployment schedule, but of course it never happens when you want it to. But we now have 2 beautiful children, and my husband was in attendance for both deliveries, so I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. Were you referring to Mrs. P? Her story just breaks my heart, and I feel so thankful for the family that I have.

BTW, make sure you go to my blog and accept the awards. I didn't list specific bloggers because I want all of my devoted readers to just take them. But I want to make sure that YOU take the awards because I so appreciate you reading my blog and leaving wonderful comments. Thank you!

Brianna Renee said...

Thank you both. I'm a planner by nature but this last month has begun to teach me about God's timing and not mine in the only way I think He could.

Thanks so much Wife on the Roller Coaster...I'm still super new at this whole blogging thing (mostly started it to keep my sanity-didn't expect anyone but my mom to read it and that's mostly because I copy and forward, lol). Could you tell me the proper blogging award etiquette?