Belated update

Ok...I'm a bad blogger. "Tomorrow" turned into 10 days later. Turns out there's a lot more to newborns that I somehow forgot but before I get to that, let me tell you about the delivery since I said I would a week and a half ago.

It was dramatic, to say the least. Joshua (the hubs) is at a new FOB...very new. So new in fact that there wasn't personal internet set up...still isn't but that's an annoying topic for another day. To be honest, he works with military computers and at the time, they barely had military internet. Two and a half hours before our princess made her debut, we found out that Joshua would be able to skype in and watch the delivery. It was the best of a bad situation and for just over two hours it worked great and labor continued well...aside from having to get stuck twice for the epidural-that sucked and I'm still having some back pain from it.

(for those of you who are opposed to epidurals in general, I totally understand and if it weren't for the fact that without it, I could've died because my heart isn't strong enough to handle the stress of labor, I might have wanted to go the o'natural route so let's keep the preaching about natural childbirth to a minimum)

Anyway, as I reached a 10 and started to push...we lost signal. Yup. So as my OB was telling me that the umbilical cord was going to be around my daughter's neck and I needed to focus and push, I was yelling at my mom to reconnect and press the "video" button. Nothing was working so as much as it frustrated my OB, I stopped pushing, turned and clicked the button myself. I couldn't focus on her without him. I pushed one more time and just as the video was coming back on, she came out.

I cut the cord and she got an 8/9 on the apgar scale. Once the stress of pushing was done and she was safe, the stress of it all overwhelmed me. I started crying hard...something I never do in front of anyone. My OB was concerned I was crying because I was in pain but after a moment to get control of myself, I was able to tell her it wasn't painful. Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of the drama. I had torn internally and my OB wasn't able to close it with stitches. Every time she tried, it tore more and I bled more so she left it to "ooze" and hopefully close itself. It did but it took a day and a half so they ended up keeping me an extra night. I opted not to get a blood transfusion because although I'm sure it would have been helpful at least in the shorterm but longterm there are much more serious problems it could bring and I had confidence that my body would heal itself with enough time.

Healing has come slowly...at least more slowly that with the boy. It feels like I'm just now starting to get my body back. Although, motrin is still a necessity. It's been nice to have my mom and friends around off and on. I've only had a few days alone with both kids and this week I'll have 3 more days alone and then I'm loading up the kids, the dog and half of our house to visit Grandma's because we'll have family in town that we haven't seen in months. It should be fun but it's also the "tax-free" weekend so shopping is most likely going to wear me out more than the kids which at this point says a lot.

The things I seem to be relearning about newborns or at least my newborn could fill volumes but in a nutshell...

*nursing is awesome for losing weight but not so pleasant on nipples
*losing 30 lbs in 11 days is rough (don't roll your eyes...it's exhausting)
*my daughter doesn't sleep or stay awake in a happy place unless she's held
*changing poopy diapers 10-12 times a day sucks
*nursing = purposely allowing pregnancy hormones to rage through your body
*having a 3 yr old who adores his newborn sister makes life much easier
*you do what you have to...ei pacifiers are not the enemy
*I have little to no patience for whiny parents who have their spouse in the same country

Well, the boy is waking up and the girl is hungry so although I'd love to wrap up this post in a nice, neat way, there's nothing about my life that's nice or neat right now.

Our Princess

I am home from the hospital...our princess was born on Monday at 1:05 in the afternoon. There were a few complications but everything worked out great. I'll write a more complete post with details of the complications probably tomorrow but for now, the important things...

Joshua was able to skype in and see the delivery

The Princess is perfectly healthy

I'm recovering well

She's adorable...see for yourself...

T minus...???

Well...without giving gross details, all indications point to me going into labor sometime in the next couple of days. I've got the laptop and camera charged, bags packed and thankfully Joshua is no longer under a security black out (btw, that was not fun). In fact, our little princess seems to be an Army kid already. The black out lifted this morning (my time) and while chatting with Joshua, "things" began happening. Now, it's just a hurry up and wait (again, can you say Army kid) for the contractions to pick up. So if I'm MIA of a while, just assume I'll be back with tons of pics.

It's a surreal feeling knowing we're going to have two kids in a matter of days...possibly hours...hopefully days-days would work better for Grandma's schedule. I'm heartbroken Joshua is so far away but I know that even with him deployed, she's the luckiest little girl to have him for a Father. He's the kind of Dad that every little girl deserves...the kind of Dad I would have done anything to have myself...the kind of Dad every man should be.

Airport Safety

So, although I could very easily spend an entire post blogging about my opinions on the legalized groping pat-downs or the pornographic security pics  body scanners and how the TSA hasn't actually stopped anything from happening, I'm not going to...instead I want to tell you about my son's experience flying with his Grandma from the middle of the country to his Nana and GG's house in Florida and back again.

Before he left (being the Type A freak that I am), I packed an envelope with his birth certificate, medical insurance card and a letter granting my mother (Grandma) and/or my aunt (Nana) the permission to take him and make any and all necessary emergency medical decisions which may arise during the time he was away. He turned three on his little vacation and I knew he wouldn't be able to verbalize to a TSA agent or doctor that although his Grandma has a different name, she was allowed to take him. Also, I strongly suspect the boy will be "that kid" who ends up at the ER at least once a summer because grace and gentleness aren't really his thing.

Here's where I have a problem. They never needed the documentation. On the medical side, I'm relieved...the kid made it through a week without me-in a not-so-child-proofed house with a pool and only came back with a few scratches on his forehead which no one seems to know how he got...I can live with that. But TSA...the great airport security never checked to see that the random adult with him who claimed to be his Grandmother actually was his Grandmother and had permission to take him. Granted, it was a domestic flight but it was over 1000 miles from home and how in the world did they know the name she gave them for the boy was even his name?! They never even requested his birth certificate.

So how safe are our children with TSA if anyone can take them anywhere in the country without a second thought?

Yesterday

My world shifted just enough to throw me into the chasm of my first real deployment breakdown. I've cried before. I've felt sick to my stomach and been angry but nothing compares to the meltdown that I experienced last night. Granted, being 9 months pregnant REALLY doesn't help the situation but yesterday was a turning point in this whole thing. Joshua's been gone for four months...training stateside but still gone. At midnight, that changed. He's not just training anymore. I believe (mostly because I physically cannot bring myself to not believe) that he will be safe. He will come home...it feels like it will be forever but I know he'll come home. But everything is different. Putting aside the danger aspect...an aspect I like to put aside ("denial isn't always a bad thing"...that's the way my psychologist put it because sometimes we have to compartmentalize...we have to protect our minds and our hearts)....everything is still different. I can't compartmentalize away the fact that communication is going to be drastically different. Drastically less. And then there's "Army Joshua." Over the last four months I've come to know "Army Joshua" and speak to him sometimes more than my Joshua. "Army Joshua" is harder. He has to be. On a logical level, I want him to be "Army Joshua" while he's away. I want him to be strong so he can be safe. But on a selfish level, I can't live solely in logic for over a year...especially pregnant/nursing. I want my Joshua. I want him home. I want this to all be over and in a lot of ways, it's just really beginning now.

I'm sure the fact that the boy turned 3 years old yesterday didn't help. I'm a mom. Other than an Army Wife...there's not much else that describes me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a friend, a sister, a daughter...a major fan of all things Disney and photography but at my core...wife and mom. My son has been 1000 miles away from me for almost a week now. It was something I knew Joshua needed and something the boy needed but I didn't realize how much missing the boy's birthday would affect me. It's odd because the birthday in and of itself wasn't a big deal...I think the combination of the fact that my baby boy is now 3 years old, my husband has transitioned into a new stage in the deployment and I'm going to have a daughter in about three weeks was just more than I could handle for one day. I should have made plans with friends. I should have known it would be difficult but I didn't. I wanted to be home so I could talk with both of my boys if/when they could.

In a word, yesterday was bad. I cried so hard and so much that I started to contract. I tried to stop it. I tried to  control myself and drink some water but there came a moment (warning...this is definitely an over share but it happened) when I had to stop because I wasn't sure if I had peed my pants (again) or if my water had broken. It's funny now and it was just what I needed to sober me up and make me get control but at the time it was just another thing to deal with.

That was yesterday. I think today will be better.

A New Chapter

Rarely in life can we look back and say this specific day or even week was the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one but that's what this week is for our little family.

Today, I had my last 3D/4D ultrasound of baby girl. I'll probably have another 2D in a week or two but if you've ever had a 3D/4D you know the difference. Between the boy and baby girl, I've had well over a dozen of these types of ultrasounds and it's a bit surreal to think that I'll probably never have another. Our little princess is measuring about a week ahead of schedule and is showing none of the signs of distress we saw in the first and second trimester. Equally reassuring is the fact that the cardiac medication I'm on doesn't appear to be affecting her growth (a possible side effect) whatsoever and the best news, at least for me, came when the perinatalogist took a few extra images and video of our baby's heart. Not because he was concerned but because he said it was the perfect example of what a strong fetal heart should look like. The four different chambers were clearly visible and apparently text book in shape and activity. He told me he plans to use the images and video to help teach proper sonograph reading. Of course it was a proud Mommy moment but for me it was more than that. My biggest fear with both of my children has been that I would somehow pass on my own cardiac complications or that the medications that I take to stay healthy while pregnant will affect their little hearts. The only downside to the ultrasound was that baby girl is a bit smooshed at this point and getting a decent image was a bit tough. Here's the only mostly clear image we were able to get this time around...

Our last 3D/4D ultrasound wasn't the only major event today. Joshua (still on his mini-leave in Florida) took the boy to the ocean for the first time. It was also the first time they got to really fish together and I'm proud to say that my son is apparently a natural fisherman. On more than one occasion he reeled in TWO fish on one line! I didn't even know you could do that. And from what I understand, the boy did it all...cast the line, waited and then wound it back up to the pier they were fishing off of. I really couldn't care less about fishing but I was impressed. Our little guy is growing up, Joshua's about to leave the country and our baby girl will be here in just a couple weeks...new chapters all around.

(the boy was trying to hold up two fingers to indicate that he caught two fish but apparently Nana wasn't fast enough with the camera)

(learning about catch and release)

(my two favorite people)

(swimming in the ocean for the first time)

I need to give props to my wonderful husband for not only covering our little blondy's pale head but doing so with a Cars hat which matches the Cars swim trunks I sent...I was very impressed with Joshua.

***For the record, if you're not high risk and already scheduled to have a 3D/4D ultrasound but are considering purchasing one...I personally recommend going around the 24-28 week mark because they look less alien-esque, they have some meat on their little bones but mostly they're still small enough that they aren't going to be smooshed against the uterine wall (which is why today's images were a bit blurry). My favorite ultrasound of baby girl was around the 22 week mark (she measured ahead from the beginning)...here it is...

The would-be Father's Day surprise

Today's a pretty special day for our family. Not just because we get to celebrate Joshua and how awesome a Dad he is but today is the first day of his final "mini-leave" stateside before he leaves the country.

First the bad news, he's stationed about 1000 miles from us and isn't allowed to come all the way home...and I'm 35 weeks pregnant so no one will allow me to travel.

The good news is that I have an Aunt who lives near where he's stationed. She's been on vacation with us and we're very close (plus she's retired from 20 years in the Navy so she gets it). The other good news is that when I learned the dates from Joshua about a month ago, my Mom (who rocks), my Aunt (also rocks) and I started plotting. We hatched a grand plan to get the boy out to see Joshua for the mini-leave...the best part? Joshua's leave runs exactly from Father's Day to midnight on the boy's 3rd birthday.

Yup. Sappy, moment.

All was a go and Joshua was absolutely clueless...until the Army once again became a 4-letter word in our home on Friday (aka the day before my mother and the boy were to fly out at 6am). LONG story short, the Army screwed up some paperwork and Joshua's mini-leave and even our scheduled R&R later this fall were in jeopardy. He called to tell me about it...after my step-Dad had picked up the boy who was fully packed and very excited about the trip. I was in the middle of Walmart when Joshua said he would most likely get it resolved sometime the next day...which really didn't work for me considering their flight times and the only way I could explain how important it was that things got sorted out earlier was to let the cat out of the bag.

So, in the middle of Walmart, I was crying and telling Joshua the surprise...meanwhile, he went from being in a pissy mood because his leave was jacked up to "leaking." In fact, his exact words to me were "how am I supposed to be a bad ass out here if you make me leak." It was the moment that was supposed to happen in a parking lot today but instead happened over the phone on Friday. I was glad to know that at least he never suspected anything...surprising considering that pretty much EVERYONE he knew, knew about it.

After all that was said and done, he got his leave sorted and now my two favorite people get to spend a few precious days together. This year's Father's Day will be one we all remember.