Emotional Rollercoaster

I've been absent from the blogging world this last week because it's been such an emotional time. I had every intention of writing a small but, at least to me, meaningful Memorial Day post but to be honest, I didn't have it in me. The men Joshua served with who died on his deployment and their families are never forgotten. They're always in my prayers and although I would have liked to pay homage to them again here, I just couldn't.

There's been so much pain. Good friends who are literally picking up the pieces of their lives after the Moore tornado. Also, a fellow former-nanny friend of mine found out the family she used to work for lost their son in an accident. So much overwhelming grief. Please keep them all in your prayers.

But there's also been joy. My step-brother (the one I like the most-shh, don't tell the others) got married on Saturday to a woman he loves with all his heart-what more could a sister (even just a step-sister) ask for?! And thankfully Joshua, whose Guard unit was called up to provide perimeter security for Moore (and in their "down time" chose instead of sleeping like they probably should have, to run supplies back and forth to the affected areas) was able to leave early to join us at the wedding.

(my step-brother Blain, his new bride and my new neices!-I can't wait to spoil them...'S'-the one on the right had to cover her sweet eyes for the kiss)

After the wedding on Saturday, Joshua and I came home and left the kiddos with Grandma and Grandpa. We picked up the kids yesterday and managed to hang out with family friends in town from Houston. It was just was what I needed to recharge. 

Time Flies

Hello blogging world...you may (or may not) have noticed my total desertion of this page for the last month (and a half). To be honest, nothing major really happened to drive me away. I just needed a break. I needed to focus on my family and myself. 

Here's a (hopefully) quick breakdown to catch you up...

We cracked down on homeschooling and have officially decided to go with Classical Conversations next year and are super excited about it. 

We had a snow-pocalypse that was a ton of fun...

I got a new .22 rifle for Valentine's Day and we took some good friends shooting... (the boy and one of his best friends had a blast)

I escaped. I took a long weekend and flew down to El Paso (thereby leaving the children alone with Joshua for the first time ever!) to visit this awesome lady...

(cell phone pic...eh, sorry)

Joshua and I had a weekend away...hotel, theater tickets (Cathy Rigby's Peter Pan-I highly recommend seeing it!-that woman is in better shape at 60 than I am today!), dinner out...the basics

In related news, the boy also got to see Peter Pan as his first broadway show with his Grandma. He LOVED it!...he wasn't so much a fan of the pics I insisted we take before he left but I couldn't resist. I love my bow-tie-lovin', suspender-wearing little man!

Also, I've been on a sewing kick...big time. I made a couple new dresses for the girl...

(she was less than thrilled to do pics at that particular moment)

(I got the hat from Halo Heaven)

And finally, the biggest news (for me at least) was that I finally got my much coveted Brother PE-770 Embroidery Machine!!! I'm in love! This was the first thing I made...

So that's what we've been up to...kind of a crazy busy season for us but a good one. 

Quick Update

Things have been a bit crazy lately but I wanted to stop by and give you a quick update...

We...
*went to the farm, took some family pics (which we hadn't done really since last March!)

*taught a couple good friends to shoot (always fun!)

*finally took the last of the holiday decorations down...yeah, we were sort of those people...the outside stuff was all down on New Year's but the inside stuff sort of just stayed

Joshua...

*has been pulled in 12 different directions all at once but seems to be handling it pretty well and will hopefully be home more after next week

Me...
*finally has a picture of JUST me that I like (no kids, no Joshua, JUST me...wow...it's been YEARS)

The boy...
*is on a photo boycott...he refuses to smile for real anymore

*loves his new bike but not as much as his sister does...(this is her pouting because she didn't get to ride it)

The girl...

*went in for her 18 month well baby check up and is up to the 12th percentile in both height and weight (woohoo she's proportional)...unfortunately she's still not yet 20lbs so we'll be rocking the rear-facing car seat for a while longer

Bubba and the foster puppy...

*Bubba has, for the most part, enjoyed having another dog to wrestle with but I think he's also looking forward to the puppy finding a forever home so he can just lay around

*we thought we had found the foster puppy a home but it fell through so the search continues...who wouldn't want this sweet girl?!

Oh my goodness, I just looked at the clock! I have to get ready, Joshua and I are going to the theater tonight (eeek!). We have tickets for Jekyll and Hyde and I've somehow convinced him to go big and where his dress blues. Meanwhile, I bought a pair of black 6" heel because I'm crazy awesome like that!-my husband is a foot taller than me, I have to do something!

Choosing Sides

Recently, an old friend got divorced. I've known him for over a dozen years. We met in high school when we were in Boy Scouts together-yes, I was in Boy Scouts-it was a co-ed division called Venture Crew. We went back-packing, rock-climbing and just had a great time. We didn't care about merit badges or even proper Boy Scout uniforms, we just loved to be outside and be active. My friend was always the big teddy bear of the group. When we graduated, I lost touch with him and most everyone I went to high school with. My early college years were spent searching for who I was and who I wanted to become. Once life started to settle down, I began reconnecting with some of my old high school friends, thanks in part to facebook. I was able to reconnect with my teddy bear friend, meet his wife and introduce them both to my husband. I was heart broken to watch as they went through painful infertility issues but encouraged by the strength of their marriage and over the moon when they got pregnant and the pregnancy was healthy. They had gone through multiple miscarriages and it seemed to bond them together forever but I guess forever didn't last. 


With their miracle baby just a couple years old, they got divorced this spring. Between the Army and the fact that they live several hours from us, we hadn't been able to visit them in over a year and a half. Our friendship had slipped to an online-only type of friendship so when I saw my friend's wife's relationship status change to "divorced," I was in shock. I didn't know what to think. I love my teddy bear friend but I had also grown to love his wife. 


Immediately, I decided I was going to be neutral. I was going to be Switzerland. I loved them both and secretly hoped they would work it out. However, I was also prepared to accept and even befriend new loves for each of them down the road but down the road came much sooner than I expected. What felt like moments after their divorce was finalized, my old friend was engaged to someone else. I know what his first wife believes happened with their marriage but I also know there's two sides to every story and a marriage doesn't fall apart because of just one person's failings. That being said, when I look at facebook photos and see him sitting with his new fiance and her daughter, my heart breaks. I can't help but remember him with his first wife and their baby girl.


I always hated when people would talk about "choosing sides" in a divorce but I guess I kind of get it now. It's not that I want to choose a side. It's that I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at my friend the same way again. The only thing in my life that I can equate it to is being pregnant when a friend is having a miscarriage or visa versa. I want to be happy that my old friend is happy and seems to have found someone he loves but I'm heart broken for his first wife, their daughter and the life that they had together.

Friday Fun

This week has been a rough a one but it's been a good reminder that time with our kids is so short and I'm taking advantage of every moment. This is the crazy fun princess that I wake up to every day...

Last night I asked her for a kiss before bedtime and she shook her head and said "no!" I was a little disappointed but at the same time, her independence makes me smile. She's not going to be an easy child to raise but she's going to be a beautifully independent, strong woman one day. And, just for the record, I did get a kiss blown to me for the first time just a few minutes after she said no so it all balanced out. She does her own thing in her own time (reason #37 why I'm grateful we've decided to homeschool...pretty sure she'd be "that" kid in class).

As for the boy, he had another T-ball game last night that went great. His buddy who has been struggling with the whole idea of "team" sports, really did great and with the exception of our boy running from his spot at third toward the dugout while yelling at the top of his lungs that his sister was all alone (Joshua and I were both in the outfield with his team) it was a good night. For the record, we did not leave the girl unattended. She was sitting with a friend. I managed to grab the boy mid-run and carry him back to third while explaining that his sister wasn't actually alone and he didn't need to rescue her. It's always an adventure with kids and I'm loving it.

Blink of An Eye

This week has been a lesson in how fast and dramatically life can change, or end.


My 27 year old cousin, Nathan, is in a neuro ICU in Colorado after a mountain biking accident. We don't know really what happened because he was biking alone but he was found...not sure even how long he was down before he was found...on a trail he'd ridden a hundred times before. It took some time to get word to his parents because when his cell phone was discovered, they didn't know who to call. They ended up getting in touch with his ex-girlfriend who was able to track down his fiance who took it from there. He was wearing a helmet but had a head injury on the left side. Either he hit right at the edge of his helmet or his helmet hit so hard it pushed into his head. Initial reports were not good. He had a brain bleed, was put on a vent and has a broken clavicle but no one really knew anything in the beginning. Three days later, he's having some issues with short-term memory loss...he knows the year, the season and recognizes people but he's having to be restrained because they took the vent out and cannot keep him as deeply sedated so he's waking up without knowing where he's at and  why he's there. Every time they tell him what happened, he calms down pretty quickly but it's clear that patience is going to be one of his biggest hurdles. Ironically, and I guess thankfully, his fiance is finishing up her final semester in occupational therapy and from all reports has done an amazing job staying on top of everything while still very lovingly caring for Nathan. They're starting to look at inpatient rehab facilities but it's unclear how long rehab will take. Although we didn't spend much time together as children-we lived on opposite sides of the country before the facebook era, he's my cousin and I'm so thankful that he was wearing a helmet and has a good prognosis.


I had already planned on writing a post about Nathan and it probably would have been a bit more preachy when it comes to encouraging people to wear helmets because to be honest, I doubt he'd still be alive if it weren't for his helmet but I woke up this morning to read a status update on facebook that stopped me.


Sometimes, it doesn't matter how safe you are, accidents still happen. Last night, my dear friend's two year old princess was pulled out of a pool by her older brother. She was limp and incoherent in his arms. By the grace of God, life came back to her and she began breathing. That little girl, her parents' and siblings' lives will forever be changed. All the little things in their life have disappeared and just about everything in comparison to their children is a little thing.


I'm holding my children just a little bit tighter today and taking the time to remember the little moments like this morning when our boy sat in bed with me and our princess and made up an elephant song for her. I loved that moment and I'll hold onto that moment because we are not promised forever. We're not even promised tomorrow.

Adventure Is Out There! Part 2

Our adventure in El Paso continued after the gun range (and a taco break) when we hopped in the truck and drove out to White Sands for some Sand Dune Sledding. 

Sounds awesome, right?!

It was pretty cool but it was also a lot of work to get back up the sand dunes and it's really not like snow sledding at all. 

(it was awesome to get away from the kids, just the two of us...first time in almost 3 years)

(pigtails were helpful to keep my hair out of my face until they tried to kill me...this pic wasn't moments before "the incident" where my pigtail got caught under the sled and made me wipe out...graceful, as always)

The rest of our time in El Paso was spent playing games...I'm now just a little bit obsessed with dominoes...eating and just hanging out. The boys cleaned the guns while JG and I played with our nails.

We stayed in El Paso until just about the last possible moment. We got to my parents' house (which is about three hours from our place) at 0200. They had to leave for the airport at 0400...they're in Belize for two weeks (must be rough). We stayed at their house until both Joshua and I had enough sleep to get back on the road which took a while because the kids woke up way too early and we ended up taking shifts napping. We managed to pick up the dog from a local farm where he goes while we're out of town and get home with enough time in the afternoon for the kids to lay down while I got some laundry going...exciting stuff. But we were still in a rush because the boy had his first t-ball game that night.

(the boy in the 1st inning...he hit...he ran...unfortunately, he ran to the pitcher's mound before he ran to first base...thankfully, in the second inning he managed to run the correct direction and even scored)

(it was sort of a David vs Goliath situation...except that Goliath won...the other team was clearly older and much more experienced than our kiddos but they had a great time)

(in the 2nd inning, our boy was the catcher...isn't he just the cutest little thing!)

Have I mentioned that we had a whirlwind week and a half?! Because we did and even after the t-ball game, it wasn't over. We got home and repacked the suitcase for an overnight yellow ribbon event about an hour and a half from where we live. Thankfully, this time around it wasn't death by power point and a few of the speakers seemed to really have the attention of the audience which when you're talking about a few hundred soldiers who were made to attend and spouses who were only trying to be supportive, it's no small thing to keep their attention. It was good to hang out with some of the guys Joshua deployed with and having a couple free hotel rooms for the night (one for the kids and one for us-adjoining of course) didn't suck but I'm glad to be home. Other than going out for the 4th, I plan to stay home for nice stretch, if only to recover from the last two weeks.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe Independence Day. Let's celebrate our nation's freedom by blowing a piece of it away...it's the American way.

Adventure Is Out There! Part 1

I'm back.

Mostly.

We're home but it's been a crazy week and a half and I have a ton to do to catch up so don't expect to see me online much over the next few days. Just thought I'd drop a line to show off some pics and tell you what we've been up to...or at least start to...

It started with the boy's birthday Saturday the 23rd. We spent the day kind of low key just as a family doing basically whatever the boy wanted. We had popsicles for breakfast, flew some kites and saw Brave in the local theater. It was a great day. Sunday was the big bowling birthday party day. There were lots of friends and family there but the most important thing to us was that our little man had a great time.

(SO EXCITED!)

(it helped the ball to go faster if you yelled "GO BALL GO!)

(you have no idea how much coercion it took to get this picture...he's 4 now, pictures are a waste of time in his mind when there's so many other things he could be doing)

(the boy and one of his favorite friends...he will do ANYTHING she tells him to)

(the party was over).

As soon as the party ended, the kids loaded up in my parent's truck and Joshua and I took off for a date night. It was great. We went out to eat, did some shopping and made it home in time to get to bed early because the next morning we were up HOURS before the crack of dawn to hit the road and visit our best friends in El Paso (you might recognize JG from Me and My SoldierMan). It was a blast! They're the kind of friends you can do just about anything or even nothing with and still have a great time. We didn't have a lot of time but the time we spent there was great. We went out to eat a few times. We hit the gun range...

(Joshua shooting his buddy's rifle)

(JG shooting her husband's rifle)

(me shooting SoldierMan's .22...LOVED IT!)

(me and my favorite gun...it's the .40 Joshua bought me for Valentine's Day a couple years ago...nothin' says love like a semi-automatic Smith & Wesson)

(Joshua and SoldierMan...I only wish we all lived closer)

Going to the range...regardless of what state we're in, is just something we love to do and going with friends like JG and SoldierMan make it that much more fun. We did more fun things in El Paso, came home and continued the adventure but I'll write about the rest tomorrow...this post is getting too long and my to do list is threatening to yell at me howler-style.

Friday Fun

This week has been crazy but it's been a good crazy (well, except for the emergency run to the doctor yesterday for the boy but that's another story for another day-he's good and today we're focusing on the fun ahead).

Tomorrow is the boy's 4th birthday! I can't believe how big he is already. It's gone too fast. This week he helped me make Reese's Peanut Butter Bars. It was a blast having him help me with the recipe I found on pinterest. Although Joshua and the boy LOVE them, I'm just "in like" with them. I think it needs some sort of chocolate graham cracker crust.

Tomorrow we'll have a family day...going to see Brave and do basically whatever the boy wants. We'll have his "friend" party with extended family on Sunday at a bowling alley...thus the new shirt I made for the boy...

After the party, the kids are going to my parents' and Joshua and I are going to visit our best friends in El Paso. To say I'm excited would be a massive understatement. Joshua hasn't seen them in over a year and a half and the four of us haven't all been together without children since we had a weekend away in Tulsa and were able to see the Broadway show Wicked (highly recommended btw).

Hope you all have a great week and I'll be back in the blogging world in about a week.

New Design! - Check It Out!!!

While the kids and I were down for the count with the flu, my little blog was getting redesigned. I ordered a simple package from Dirt and Lace Designs and I love it. I love it so much that I suspect I'm going to upgrade to a deluxe package sooner rather than later...well, as soon as I can convince Joshua that it's a good idea.

I heard about Dirt and Lace Designs from my very good (real life and blogging) friend JG at Me and My SoldierMan who has used the designer in the past and plans to do so again.

To be honest, I hated all the previous freebie templates and the one attempt I made at design was a total fail. I'm digitally challenged but I wanted a cute blog...not because I'm trying to generate more traffic, or get more followers...that's not my goal with blogging. I'll admit, it is an ego boost when someone out of the blue tells me they read my blog but blogging for me is an outlet-a way to keep my sanity while dealing with the insanity that military life and kids bring.

Speaking of insanity...I'm pretty sure my son just rode the dog down the stairs. Fabulous.  

No More Grinch

I've been in a funk lately and try as I might, I couldn't shake it. I couldn't will myself out of it. Which, for me, is very humbling because I see it as a weakness. It wasn't depression in the most dramatic sense, it was heart ache at the season and all that we're missing compounded with well-intended, ignorant people. The kind of people who think the song I'll Be Home For Christmas is a sweet song that should cheer me up...for the record, it's not sweet. It's more like soul-crushing.

But, then a friend emailed me (thanks again) and shared with me what helped her through her fiance's recent deployment. It wasn't the kind of email that gave me a three step solution to my problem or told me what I should be doing. It was just her experience and her recognition of how hard it can be during the holidays. I guess, in a sense, it reminded me that I'm not the only one doing this. It's been done since the beginning of time and the first war began.

Don't get me wrong, my funk wasn't a pity-party where I thought I was the only one having to deal with a difficult situation. It was just pain. It's so easy to get caught up in pain and isolation and allow it to pull you down even more, which in the end, just causes more pain and more isolation.

So, I'm going to try harder to remember that it's almost over, I'm not alone and maybe I'll manage to be a little less Grinch-y. In fact, we're going to a holiday parade this evening and after we'll probably drive around looking at lights. In fact, it could be fun to come up with ideas of what I want Joshua to do with our lights next year...because we will be going BIG next year with our lights.

24 Weeks

It's official. I am over 24 weeks pregnant. If you've ever had a miscarriage or a difficult pregnancy, you know what a milestone this is for our little family. Granted, it's still very early. It would not be good to go into labor today but just knowing that if I were to go into labor, the medical community would do all they could to save her and she would have a fighting chance of survival is more of a relief than I think can be said. This has been a week FULL of baby news for our friends and family. Three babies have been born with one more on the way...all four have amazing stories and equally amazing families.

Baby #1 came as quite a surprise for my old college friends. He's baby #3 for the family (the first boy) and he was a couple weeks early because mom had a placental abruption. They were in the middle of the mall and it sounds like it was pretty bloody and definitely scary. Thankfully, mom and baby are doing great...in fact baby boy is doing better than the doctors had expected and both will be home soon.

Baby #2 was also a surprise at least to me. An old childhood friend, he was the little brother of a guy I hung out with all the time and now, he's a dad. He has a beautiful little girl and I know he'll be a great dad...it's just a bit surreal.

Baby #3 came on Friday. He's my cousin's son and already has a special place in my heart. He's amazing...tons of hair and tons of him. He was born full term measuring 24 inches and weighing 10 lbs 7 oz. And she delivered vaginally. Yeah. That's a huge baby. He's apparently able to fit into some 3-6 month clothes already. When I heard his size, it dawned on me that he weighs just under TWICE what ALL three of the triplets weighed combined. (For those that don't know, before I got married, I was a live-in nanny for 3 years to a family with a set of triplets).

Baby #4 will most likely join us Wednesday. He or she already has a special story. Mom and dad have opted to be surprised with the gender but I'm hoping for a girl-their older two are boys and are great friends with our boy and selfishly, I'd love for them to have a girl to befriend our little girl. But gender surprise isn't the biggest surprise of this baby's birth. Mom is scheduled for a c-section. Dad is an Air National Guardsman on deployment. He was scheduled to come home today but as is so often the case, things changed. We're not sure when he'll be back now but baby 3.0 as the family has affectionately dubbed him or her will be born loved in that special way only a deployment family can know. My heart and prayers go out to dad and whatever mom needs, I'll be there. Even if it means dealing with a meconium diaper (something I've managed to avoid in all my years of both nanny and parenthood).

An amazing week to be sure. So many babies. So many stories.

Good Friends with Great Hearts

I'm not the kind of person who is able to ask for help easily...call me independent or just a control freak...I struggle with it. In fact, I laughed when I read a fellow MilWife's blog posts about the top 10 ways to help a MilSpouse during deployment http://militaryspouserollercoasterride.blogspot.com/2010/05/top-10-ways-to-help-mil-spouse-during.html because although we're grateful to not be going through deployment right now, we are separated and while Joshua trains to be his best, I'm learning that my best is pretty far from perfect and one of my biggest imperfections is the misconception that I can do it all or even most of it myself. I can't. As was evidenced this week when my truck's brakes decided to die. Please understand, I know how to change a tire, even change my own oil but I married a man with mechanical skills for a reason...I DON'T LIKE TO DO THOSE THINGS...but regardless, I knew brakes, even just the pads would be FAR outside my capabilities. So I sucked it up and asked a couple guy friends to look at them to confirm my suspicions. One is an Airman with the Oklahoma ANG and the other is a firefighter for Oklahoma City. Good guys. They said it was time for new pads and probably new rear rotors too (apparently that's unusual...who knew) so I arranged with Joshua's help (thank God for a couple extra phone calls this week) to pick up brake pads and rotors. My Airman friend just returned from his annual two week training and is preparing to go on an unrelated trip to Africa so rather than bug him and his wife, I decided to ask my firefighter friend if he could switch them out. I'm a little embarrassed to admit how difficult it was to ask for help but I knew it had to be done (the sounds coming from my truck were quickly getting worse). Boy, am I glad I did because not only were the pads AND rotors bad, but one side's caliper (probably not at all how you spell it but again, that's why I married a man with mechanical skills...I have no interest in anything mechanical whatsoever) was broken (yes folks, that's the technical term)...my firefighter friend described the problem with a few more details but it all boils down to, yup, it's broken. After a quick run to the parts store and another half an hour of work, my truck is in perfect working order again. YAY!

.

Knowing you have good friends who will go out of their way for you is probably the best feeling in the world. I can't say how much I appreciate my friends right now. It fills me with joy but it also makes me sad because tomorrow, I have to say goodbye to two other great friends who are PCSing for the very first time. I'm excited to see what God has for them and what new adventures await but they'll be missed...and I think I might try to convince them to meet us at Walt Disney World in the fall... lol...just joking, kind of...

whew...busy day

The boy and I started our day about an hour and a half before we normally do but it was well worth it. The newborn shoot I had went super well...I've begun editing the pics and I'm feeling really good about it. Here's one that I particularly like...

Before the shoot, the boy and I had to go to Home Depot and Walmart (it's insane how much money we send at that store...I'm really considering buying stock in it). And afterwards, we went to a friend's house to help out. She had an event at church and her hubby's Air Guard away on his two weeks. So for about 4 hours, I had 3 boys under the age of 3...it sounds kind of frightening when you put it that way but it was actually a lot of fun. I loved seeing the boy (my boy) start to transition from parallel play to interactive play and holding the baby was a treat. An even better treat came as we pulled into our driveway....Joshua called! I was only supposed to be able to talk to him for half an hour but ended up getting almost 45 minutes. It's amazing how much those extra minutes mean.

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It was a long but great day, I only wish I had been able to partake in a "MilSpouse" BlogHop that a blogger friend I follow put on...sounded like a fun thing...next time for sure.